A Scorcher

95 degrees and only scattered clouds. It was one hot day today, so I suited up and headed to the pool right after my amazing conversation with my friend, Moe ;)...but no exercise whatsoever.

All I wanted to do was close my eyes and feel the warmth wash over me. So that's what I did. I feel wonderful after spending the afternoon doing that, it was just what I needed to re-charge and think about the future and how great it will be now that I am feeling healthier and more at ease in my own skin. I am no longer embarrassed by my size, no longer worried about losing control and needing to eat in order to feel full and tired, the kind of tired that comes from being overstuffed and bored.

I get tired now because I'm living life and enjoying being busy and useful. Enjoying doing the things that I always wished I was well enough to do. I never felt 'good' before this life journey began, I usually always felt tired and aggravated and hungry, and of course eating (all the wrong things) made me more tired and so the cycle continued! Amazing what a little discipline can do.

Tomorrow will be another hot one, so you'll know where to find me :)

Preacher Don...

... Have you ever met that evangelical person, who just had to talk about their passion, and was so enthusiastic that it made you feel uncomfortable? You may have asked a question and expected maybe a half-thought-out, semi-disinterested answer, but instead, got a half hour on the person's perspective? Well...

Today at the gym, a friend of mine came into the sauna and started saying how good I looked, and how he could see how much weight I had lost. There was another guy in there, and he asked, 'How much have you lost?' and of course I said.. "75 pounds since the first of March". He gasped and said, "Well, how the hell did you do that?" He said he needed to loose about the same amount.

I began to tell him about my low-carber lifestyle, and ended up (as we were both sweating our asses off), preaching for about a half hour about choices, commitment, focus and determination... All he asked, was how I did it!!!

Finally, he left, said, 'Good luck' and 'Thanks for the inspiration'. I walked out feeling like the 'Low-Carber Billy Graham'... and a little embarrassed. Yesterday, I blogged about being passionate, but I think I went 'Just a little' overboard. I will try to be a little more subtle in the future.

What did this experience show me? Well, there is no doubt, at all, in my mind, that I am 'In-it-to-win-it'. I've never in my life been so determined or focused on a goal, any goal. I understand, though, that I have to 'pace' the enthusiasm, and not 'burn' myself out... and I surely do not want to be perceived as a fanatic.

Happy Saturday!

It's going to be a pool day! The best friends on God's green earth, their children...sunshine and laughter. This is what makes a life! I feel good today and according to my scale, I am down another pound or so and that makes me happy too.

I am still having a hard time with the realization that I will never hear my father's voice again, but I'm dealing with it and moving in a positive direction, which is all I can hope for.

I have so many positive things in my life right now, not the least of which is living this low carb lifestyle. I am doing well and feeling great physically and mentally. My life is no longer hampered by my inability to breath while walking up a flight of stairs or even walk, period!

Gina (my daughter) and I went to a local diner to eat last week and I didn't ask for a table...we walked to the booths and I fit into it with ease!!! It made me very very happy! The tide is turning and the water isn't so deep anymore. Life is changing for the best, and I feel good!

Enjoy the weekend, friends.

The only life worth living...

.... is one that you are really passionate about!

I heard this today, and really, it sums it all up!

So, are you living a life full of passion? I don't mean the obvious when you may think 'passion'... I mean, the things you can't live without doing, the things that bring you personal joy, the things in your life that you do because you want to, not because you have to.

Have you asked yourself lately, 'What am I passionate about?' When is the last time you pursued something that brought you joy? Life can be so mundane and monotonous, especially if we let it.

I am in such a crazy place right now in my life. I'm working like crazy, I've changed my lifestyle and am loosing the fat that I've carried around for so many years. I am passionate about this journey, about the reality of success in my sights. I'm passionate about my life and my family.

Take time to think about what you are passionate about. If it's been a while since you did anything to promote that passion, think of new ways that you can do so! We all only have one life, we should make it one filled with joy and passion!

Welcome back... Babycakes!

Because I access this blog now mostly from a portal at work, I can't put comments in to existing blogs, so...

Sunny!! It's so good to have you back and blogging. I am so proud of your determination to 'stay-on-track' even through the darkest of times. You handled the entire period with grace and a strength and fortitude that I can only stand back and admire.

I was so glad to get to see you, even though the circumstances were not at all the best. You look 'Fabulous' as I wispered to you when I saw you. You are such an inpiration to myself, and everyone else here who has been concerned about you, who loves you and who wants you to succeed, and be well. So.. WELCOME BACK... You are loved.

I'm doing good on plan. I hate that I haven't had time to go to the gym, but will be there tomorrow (Saturday) without fail. I am going to try next week to go at least 2 times during the week, even though I'm working these long hours.

Each Day is a New Day

Hi All...

Today is a new day.. This is the way I look at each day in front of me on this journey.

It's a new day to be positive. A new day to face new challenges head-on. A new day to be dedicated to my health. A new day to examine within and without. A new day for no compromises. A new day with new opportunities for good choices. A new day to face reality, stare it down and make changes to create a 'new future reality'....

Today is going to be a Great New Day.

Back to The Light

This has been a dark 5 days for me, but I have survived it and come out on the other side, into the light so to speak.....feeling a little like I just had a very bad dream...except it wasn't a dream.

Thanks again for all of your support while I was away, it really did mean the world to me. Don gave me the extra hugs for all of you and made me feel very loved and missed while I was gone, for that I must thank him again.

I have to tell you, I can see now why all of us are struggling with our weight....especially in time of grief, we all know that people send flowers and cards and prepared, 'easy' foods that are all around us most of the time, but even more so when cooking and prepping is impossible, right? Let me tell you, the foods available to me were hoagies/subs, pizza, bagels, donuts, cake, cake and more cake, was I tempted? Yes. And for the first two days, I was running on dunken donuts coffee and slim jims...NOT GOOD. I got smart and started bringing shakes to my mom's house and even made a chicken dinner one night, just so I could be sure we'd eat something nutritious. I wanted to dive into the bag of bagels though, and oh how I wanted that cake (and I'm not even a cake person) and pizza, but I knew if I did it, it would have set me back for days if not weeks and I didn't allow myself to use my dad's death as an excuse to indulge and cover up the sadness with the comfort of food...very hard for me, but I did it and for that I am thankful to myself. I am learning that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. I've found new strengths I never even knew I possessed and it feels good to know I am at a point in my life where I know I can do this, am doing it and don't have to struggle so much doing it. Everyone is tempted now and then, it's how we react to it that ultimately matters. It would have been so easy to dive into that bag of bagels or donuts, YES, JELLY DONUTS ;) easy and comforting.

I did come here to read all of Don's blogs while I was away, I'd log in at night and read in silence....I just couldn't find the words to comment, but the strength is what I did find and it helped pull me through. How great is that! I will never be able to thank him enough for it. And let me tell you, he looks amazing!! At one point, he was walking toward me the other night and I thought to myself, Oh My God! His steps were quick and steady, he wasn't out of breath when he hugged me and we wrapped our arms around each other with ease. I couldn't help but smile and think how lucky I am to be on this journey with him, to be inspired by him, to have his support and find comfort in it. I am blessed.

Appreciating Life.. While there is still a chance to do so....

I saw Sunny Girl last night, got a chance to give her a big hug, both for myself, and for all of you who have so kindly posted words of support and expressed concern for her. She is doing as well as can be expected, but... I had to tell her, in the midst of everything going on.... that she 'Looked Fabulous!'... She sends her love to all.

As I sat at the viewing last night I started thinking about life, in general. We don't really think, day-to-day, about 'appreciating' life... most of the time we just trudge through, doing what it takes, loving where we can, succeeding where we can... and constantly moving forward. This is the 'norm' for most of us, I think.

I realize that we need to take time to get outside that 'box' that life puts us in, look up from the road, take a deep breath, sigh, and realize, hey... I'm alive, I can breathe, I can appreciate the beauty around me, I can hug the ones I love, .... there are so many things to appreciate and be thankful for.

Today, everyone who reads this blog, please take a minute to pull back from the normal day to day routine, look around and appreciate the life that you have... be grateful for every breath you can take... and attack the drudgery of life with a new perspective.

I'm working long, hard hours, but, I have health, I have love, I have life.. and I appreciate all of it!

In the Trenches...

Well, I'm in it now. I'm working the hours, but I am going to make a point to try to blog from my 'google applet' which punches through the corporate firewall, to post text on the blog (no pictures though...sigh...).

Today is good so far. I have been planning so my lunch is my biggest meal. Because I won't get home until around 7:00pm, I don't really want to have a big 'dinner' meal that late. I have been making myself a nice BIG salad with plenty of protein, for lunch each day.

I feel good. I am looking forward to seeing Sunny Girl at the viewing in center city Philadelphia tonight. I will give her a huge hug from all of you who have been inquiring about her.

More tomorrow... :)

Ramping up ...

First, I spoke to Sunny Girl today and she is holding up, and doing what she has to to get through this tough time. I see she put-up a blog, and I applaud her for having the time and the presence of mind to do so... We love you Sunny!

I found out today that as of today I will need to put in 60 hour weeks (5 - 12 hour days) until the end of September. This project I'm involved in is coming down to the wire and the expertise I bring to the table is critical to the success of the project, and my reputation is at stake.

I made the call, I told my management that the extra time was required and I just stepped-up and put it out there. I know that it will impact my ability to exercise, but it WILL NOT affect my success on this journey.

It may impact my ability to blog daily, so please, constant reader.. understand that I will be here, and I still count on your support. Thank you for that!

Giving Thanks

Thank you for understanding that I couldn't be here at this time. It's difficult to focus on anything right now, besides my mother and other family members.

I did want to stop in and say hello though and to let you all know that I am doing ok. Dealing with the grief and yes, staying on the journey.

I am making good choices and staying true to my goal. I've lost 4 pounds as of this morning. Even with all the sadness I feel, my weight loss is still a priority. I'm not looking for solace in food, I know that's not where I will find it anymore, not even at this most devastating time. I've been finding it in the love of my family and my incredible friends at a time when love is all that matters. I am definitely a blessed person to have such amazing people around me.

I still have a few days of preparation and services ahead of me, I will be back to blogging and logging again as soon as I can find the time.

Thank you for all of your well wishes and condolences....it means so much.

Small Detour...

No worries... as for myself, I'm doing good, been on plan, lost 4 pounds this weighing period. I feel good.

My thoughts right now are really with Sunny Girl. I haven't spoken to her since her dad passed, but have text'd her a few times. I don't want to intrude on her and her family at this time. I will probably see her at the viewing on Tuesday evening.

This is the 'thick of it'. She is dealing with a situation which is one of the most stressful you can face. My father passed away 10 years ago at 64 from cancer, and it was one of the most difficult things I experienced.

I really don't care how she does 'on plan'. It's the thing that is the least important at this point. I love her, support her and will help to see her through this where I can. She's been preparing herself for this, but.. when the reality of the situation is 'in-your-face', all the preparation in the world will not make it any easier to handle.

Sunny, I love you, your family loves you, and this community loves and supports you. We will miss you while you are away from us, and anxiously await your return to the village. This is only a side-road, once traveled, it will bring you back to this road that we are on together.

It was commented to me recently that I seem to 'always' have a positive attitude regarding this journey. That I never seem to have a weak moment, a down emotion, etc... which makes it to the blog.

In all honesty, I am not 'always' up. I have moments where I say things like "I wish I could have that ice cream cone', or I say ' Damn.. that bread smells good'.. or... ' I'm so FAT' or...... ' Is this ever going to end????'.....

I think it's normal, no matter how much my lifestyle has changed, my opinions or my attitudes, that I question or doubt. I wouldn't be human otherwise. BUT ... BUT... BUT.... the fact is...

I have changed my life. My perspective overall is focused on loosing the weight, changing my relationship with food, changing my lifestyle in a positive way, making me a priority.

Even though I'm not ALWAYS 100 percent in the new mindset... the 2 percent that isn't, doesn't usually make it here to the blog, because, that's all it is, a miniscule little part of me that 'backslides just for a moment' and in thought only.. the 97 percent keeps me safe and invulnerable to temptation.

This blog is my safe place, my positive place. If the negative ever starts to take-over to the point that it is going to impact my results.. believe me, it will make it into this blog, because I would expect from my supporters, the support to push it back down, and bring it under control~!

A short absence ....

Everyone please keep Sunny Girl in your thoughts. She has gone to her mother's house to help tend to her father.

His situation is degrading quickly, and she wants to support as much as she can.

She has no access to the internet there, so will not be posting until she is back home.

UPDATE: Sunny Girl's father passed away Friday Evening, July 31st 2009. Angels welcome him. May he rest in eternal peace.

FROM DON to UNCLE FRANK: 'God Bless You'

Guard Rails...

What is this blog to me..? Why am I here.. doing this huge thing in my life so publicly? This blog gives me the opportunity to really analyze how I feel about this journey. When I am thinking about writing a blog, I think.. 'What has inspired me today', 'What action did I take that was for 'the good' on this journey, 'What do I feel like sharing today'...

For me, it's all about staying focused. I have to constantly be 'in the moment' on this journey, or I know I will loose focus, and run right off the road. This blog is like a 'guard rail' on the highway of my life... It keeps me alive, it keeps me in the lane... It is my 'safety zone'.

This blog has provided me encouragement when I was down, a place to express my most inner thoughts on the process, an avenue for introspection and discovery. My life gets so busy during the day, I don't have the time to 'think' about the process, I just 'do what it takes'.

I can't express how much sharing this site with Sunny has helped me. Further, I can only say a big 'THANK YOU' to all of you who are following us, and who support us.. you are all our 'guard rails'... keeping us on the road!

Mind Body & Spirit!!!

I spoke to Don today and we talked about this journey, and how it's been truly amazing for both of us. Our talks always make me see things in a more positive light and today was no exception!

I've lost more than 40 lbs in 4 months...(the recommended 10 lbs. per month) so I've really nothing to be disappointed about!!!

I am disappointed in my recent stall, yes, but I am so confident that my diligence will pay off in the end. And as Don stated in a recent blog, there will never really be an 'end.' This journey is a lifetime journey. It's not even about losing weight anymore, it's deeper than that for for both of us...

We often talk of life changes and I know I am being somewhat redundant, but I can't stress it enough. It's more about moving forward in mind, body and spirit. The spirit is what moves me to move ahead and not stress about a stall in my weight loss...I'm moving forward in such a positive way that it no longer matters if the weight is coming off or not! I am changing.

Life is different for me now, I'm more self assured, I have a renewed confidence and feel at peace with the new found exuberance I feel for life itself. Yes, I want to lose more, it's just that now I feel so confident that I will, that I can wait it out while continuing to make the right choices.

I know with all the certainty in the world that my life is changing for the best and there is no feeling like this. If I lose 1 or 2 lbs. this week, that will be 1 or 2 lbs. I will never have to see again!! I refuse to be disappointed again. And if I don't lose anything, yes, I'll be disappointed, but I will eventually triumph even more than I already have....now isn't that something to smile about!! =)

And as always, thanks for all the support....you guys and girls, rock!

Busy .. does not mean...

... that I am not committed to the process. I'm sorry for no blogs in the past few days, but .. if you've been reading, you know that I have been crazy-busy at work. I have a facility through Google home page, which does allow me to post through the corporate firewall, but unfortunately, I can not put all the nice touches in.

Progress, fine, no problem, I've been on plan and feeling very good. I had a great salad for lunch both Monday and Tuesday, each including protein, and shakes for breakfast. I'm feeling energized and much 'lighter-in-my-loafers'... which is a GREAT FEELING.

I spoke with Sunny Girl about an hour ago, and she's frustrated (as she well should be) because she seems to have stalled on Atkins. We all need to show her love and support through this period. To work as hard as she has at keeping on track, not cheating, and controlling the quantities she consumes of the stuff we can eat... and then to have minimal weight loss is horrid.

She has the strength of committment to get through it, where others may just throw themselves into the pit, and eat-eat-eat. Bless her for having this strength and focus. You're one strong woman, Sunny Girl! and... we will all be here to see you through this and to continue WITH you on this journey!

Yes, I am a Couch (dare I say it!!) Potato!!!!

Yep, I decided to get serious after a very busy weekend, and rest my ankle.
Seems I am the only one who goes on a serious weight loss journey and is less active than I was before! I layed on the couch all damn day and let me tell you, it's NOT easy!!! However, just walking to the computer was a very painful endeavor, so it's out of necessity that I am now officially a couch potato! I am staying the course on this journey, but feel no weight loss for weeks, even months now and it is very daunting. I know exercise has to play a role here and I am missing the weight loss boat by miles. I will just have to make it up when and IF I ever heal. I need to stop stressing over it and just relax, put my feet up and veg for a while. Of course I will continue to blog and document my daily meals....It's the only thing that keeps me going at this point.

Back to the couch :(

Monday...Monday....

Today is a 'blah' day.. I'm at work, and it's raining! I guess it's better than being at home and having to sit inside because of the rain!!

It's going to be another week of working late. I have 2 dinner functions this week, directly after work. Wednesday evening is my partners father's birthday, so we're getting together for dinner with 18 family members (after work)... and Thursday is a celebratory dinner for a Project Team I am involved with, again, on a week day, after work, with our spouses.

I'm not crazy about this type of stuff during the week... (Phew.. glad I got all that off of my chest)!... It's been a good day plan wise. I had a great lunch and will be going to the gym shortly (it's 5:40pm, I leave work at 6:00pm). Because of all the other activities on Wednesday and Thursday, I'm trying to get my exercise in early this week!

So, on plan, positive attitude, anxious about weigh-in this coming Saturday.. ;>) all is good!

Everything we need...

We have everything inside of us, right now, to accomplish what ever we want to do. All we need to have, is belief in ourselves, strength of purpose, a direction and a motivation. We also need to realize that there will really never be an 'END' to this journey. We will arrive at our ultimate destination, but, nothing in life is static. We must be prepared, and realize, once we get there, the work is not over, it really just begins. We all know this, we've been down the road before... we've maybe made it part way there, then lost focus, maybe lost the belief that we can go on, maybe our motivation diminished, and before we knew it, we were heading back down the road again, but in the wrong direction.

To 'STAY PUT' once we get where we want to be, we must continue to stay focused and do what it takes to prevent us to reverse our journey.

Along the way, sometimes our minds may wander, we may consider straying from the road, but, really, that kind of action serves no purpose at all, except to force us into a disaster - a pile-up on the road. So the best thing for us to do is to keep our strength of purpose, keep our eye on the final destination, do what it takes (rest stops along the way) to revitalize ourselves and keep us energized and heading in the right direction.

I realize this particular blog is full of the 'road metaphors' but they really do apply to this process, for us. This blog is kind of a 'pep-talk' for Sunny and I... and it's what I've been thinking about this morning.

I have been doing fine on the journey, but have found myself more and more, desiring the things I can not (and choose not to) have (especially popcorn.. the last few days). By putting the above into words, it helps me to remember why I am doing what I am doing, and why a bowl of popcorn will only be an 'accident' along the way, and serve no purpose except to undermine all the great things I have already accomplished.

Looking back.. For Sunny and her Dad.

This is the group that Sunny's Father performed with many years ago. As long as I've known him, he has always been a performer at heart. I believe Sunny's dad is the one directing the others in the group.



Here is another one of the Harmonica Gang with Milton in 1965. Sunny's dad is the one in the Blue coat:

I'm A Pepper...

...he's a pepper, wouldn't you like to be a pepper too!!

My dad is the one in the jacket on the right and in the back in this vintage ad for Dr Pepper, strange how diet Dr Pepper is the only soda pop I like.

I went to Philly again today to stay with my dad while mom ran some errands and he's not doing well, but he's comfortable and I guess that's all that really matters right now.

I've been staying on the journey, never will I waver. We all know what 'wavering' will do to a person, don't we?.... :)ooO= I'm finding it very easy to stay on this journey lately and I'm sure one of these days, I will continue to lose more pounds...let's hope.

Tomorrow will be a day of exercise in the pool, as I have to vacuum it and skim, then play with my noodles ;) and just plain old swim. I can't wait.
Enjoy the weekend, everyone!!

Inspired by Don...

Perhaps by being witness to the end of my dad's life, I've been able to see just how precious and beautiful it truly is. Life is fun! Brilliantly shining every single day. Life is anything and everything we want it to be, because I honestly believe it is what we make it.

My mission is to open my eyes to it every day, I use what tools I have to make sure I enjoy it. Let no one steal my joy, let light shine upon my face even in the darkest of times and I am succeeding, because I now have the right tools.

You see, I know what it feels like to wake up and have so much back pain that I couldn't even make it to the bathroom without crying. At 325 pounds, I couldn't walk down the steps without my knees crying out in pain or walk through a store without having to use an inhaler. Life was anything but beautiful to me then. Yes, I have an ankle problem, but I'm taking steps to help that along.

I think I can speak for Don here too......We're also regarding every opportunity to turn down a food, a personal victory, and we face those every day! Every time someone says, 'Just take a bite.' and I decline, I think to myself, 'another victory!!' We don't sit and eat 3 or 4 slices of pizza anymore and call it dinner, when what it really was, was us stuffing down every bad feeling we had. We're dealing with our feelings now, facing them head on and for the most part, finding something positive in the beauty of it all...we can see all the negatives for what they really are....LIFE! Yeah, there are good and bad parts to it, but Life is as beautiful as we make it and we're making it as beautiful as it can be!

We've opened our eyes to the beauty of life, it doesn't get much better than this.

Yesterday's Gone...

As I look forward, and down the road.. I am inspired. So many times in my life I have spent so much time looking back, fretting about the past, letting it effect how I feel, definately letting it effect how I eat... Well, you know what.. Yesterday is GONE... Time to think about tomorrow... No more looking back.

The road ahead looks great. As I progress, I feel better, both physically and mentally. I feel as though I have examined and came to terms with how I got to where I got (fat and unhappy), and it's time to let all those bad feelings go, and get absolutely excited about the future.

I am inspired by my progress, by Sunny's progress, by the acknowledgement I get from the comments our friends have made on this blog, by the support of my friends and collegues, and by my own new-found respect. My respect for myself and for my life.

I'm just damn happy! I know I have developed a strength of purpose that it takes to finish this trip, and at the end... at the end.... well, thinking about how it will be at the end just brings tears of joy to my eyes... Yes..I am excited.

Thank You!!!!!!

Don't have time to write much except to thank all who commented my last blog, I can't even tell you how much it means to have your support, understanding and heartfelt good wishes.

I just received a call that my mom needs me (dad is not doing well) and I have to go to Philly tonight, so thanks again and I will write later.

For the fun of it... lightening it up a bit!

You and I ... we're two of a kind, Sunny. Don't let the stress get to you... If it does, watch this and think of the 'bond' spoken of in the video... we have that, and will forever, because of what we are doing together... I've never been much into drag, but Babycakes, I'll do it for you to pull you up and put you back onto the road! ...(by the way.. I'm the pretty one on the right !)

Learning to Weather the Storm

Things got a little stormy last night for me, I don't understand it really, I just wanted to eat everything in sight. I was a little stressed, and I haven't turned to food in a very long time to ease a stressful situation. Last night was different.

I didn't turn to any high carb foods, with the exception of the heaping tablespoons of peanut butter, but I ate a lot of what I could have....which can be just as bad. I ate cheese (too much of it) and I had 3 sugar free ice pops, and then some blueberries and so on. It just seemed like my stomach was a bottomless pit. I didn't like the feeling at all, I had a hard time controlling it and it made me very nervous to know that this could still happen. I eventually just went to bed, so I wouldn't have the toast I was craving!! *pats self on back*

Anyone can steer a ship in calm seas, it's when there is a storm brewing that you see what people are truly made of, and I had a hard time with that wheel last night. Just scary...it scared me to know that old behaviors can creep back to haunt me, but I am back in control today, with a renewed sense of dedication. Reading Don's blog is always a help for me, he is my ROCK. Also, the realization that stressful situations will always arise and it's very important to know my triggers and be ready for them at all times.

You know, Don touched on something in his blog about not being addicted to food, but being addicted to blogging now and this blog is key. If you notice, I didn't blog yesterday or the day before and that's just not good. I didn't log my meals in and I didn't contact him for the support I obviously needed, also not good.

The next time something like that happens to me, I will be prepared...

1. Get to blogging, not only in stressful situations, but EVERY DAY.
2. Log meals in on our meals page EVERY DAY.
3. Contact Don for support!

Could it have been worse? Absolutely, I could have had that damn toast with the peanut butter, but it was bad enough just knowing that food could still be used as a stress reliever. And here's the kicker, eating did not make me feel better or relieve any stress. It never worked, it doesn't work now and it never will. Take it from me.

Another Busy Week at hand...

Well, I'll be doing short posts for the next few days, and through a tool I use at work, which means I won't be able to post pictures until later in the week. I missed GYM a few times last week so my plan is to make it up this week and go to the gym every day after work (Mon-Wed).

This means very long days, not getting home until 9:00 PM-ish, but that's ok.. I am into it. I KNOW I won't continue to loose at the rate I am unless I KEEP DEDICATED to exercise.

I had a great day today and planned a very big (but on plan) lunch, because I won't have an opportunity to eat a regular dinner.

Thanks for everyones support... I'm livin-la-vita-low-carb.. as another great BLOGGER says.. and I'm lovin it!

BLOG UPDATE: 9:21 PM..

Just got home from the Gym about 20 minutes ago. Got something to drink, and here I am.. updating my BLOG.. I'm not addicted to food anymore... I'm now addicted to Blogging :~) (There are worse things, I suppose!!) Gym was good, I'm tired and will be in bed soon, gotta get up again at 4:15am! Night all!

What is it we're doing here.. Anyway?

We've been on this journey for 4 and a half months. I thought to myself yesterday, as I was riding my motorcycle up to New Hope.. 'My life has changed, I don't feel like I used to feel every time I did a 'DIET'.'

So what is it that we're doing here? Well, really, we've changed our lives. That's why it doesn't feel like a diet... because it isn't. It's a life change that Sunny and I have made. That's why the decisions are so easy, why we know we're not going to 'fall off the wagon'.. that's why it all seems so effortless. Because we've changed, changed our lives and our perspectives forever.

The biggest choice, when you are having a problem with food, with your weight, is what to do. All of us have tried 'THE DIET'... the thing we though would do it for us, and many of us have tried, failed, tried again, failed again.. and experienced that endless 'yo-yo' cycle, getting fatter and fatter with each failed attempt. On my motorcycle, enjoying the ride.. I had a 'LIGHT BULB' moment. All of those times, all of those attempts, the missing element was my perspective.

I looked at a 'DIET' as a temporary method of reaching a goal, BUT... BUT..! To succeed, you have to change your life (lifestyle), and know it's not 'temporary'. If you do that, no matter what 'method' is chosen to reach the end result, YOU WILL have success. Sunny and I will SUCCEED!, we are succeeding now! With every day, every choice, every moment, we get closer and closer to where we want to be.. a new 'life' without the hinderance of unhealthy fat.

What are we doing?.. We're changing our lives!

Wanna see how much.. I did a side-by-side comparison of my pictures taken April 1st and my recent July 15th pictures (CLICK HERE).

Dog Days...

I'm taking a break from the pool to say hello! Doesn't that pooch look happy!!? had a fabulous day in the pool with the kids.

I'm getting ready to grill some boneless pork steaks now and then it's out to the movies with my kids. Tomorrow, I'm hoping my cousin Karen and family will be here for a dip in the pool and a BBQ...praying for the weather to hold up!

Enjoy the weekend, friends!

Crazy.. hazy... dayz....

Sorry about no post the past few days. I'm doing well and on plan, but have missed exercise the past couple of days (I'll be back to the gym tomorrow). I've had some crazy hours at work and have just been too bushed at night to post.

I do not like this humidity we're experiencing. I have noticed it's not effecting me as much as it used to, I'm enduring longer and not getting as tired as quickly. I can really feel the difference the 70 pounds lost has made. I have a long way to go, another 180 pounds or so, but still, I fit in things better, I move around better... and I enjoy life better.

I look forward to going on vacation in Disney in September, I'm hoping to be another 20 or 30 pounds down by then, can you imagine. We've been going to the park for years, and I'm always the one sitting on the bench, saying 'Just go on without me'.. or 'I'll catch up' or 'Just leave me in the hotel, I'll relax'... Well, none of that this year.. I'll enjoy the park, maybe fit into some of the rides (which I'll love)... and experience life again!

Everyone enjoy their weekend!

About Sunny...

I got up today feeling so much lighter, and I decided to get on the scale. I try not to do this a lot, but yes, sometimes when it's not "weigh-in day," I do weigh. I was not surprised to see an amazing loss since Wednesday and I am feeling like not only is the eclipse gone, but the sun is shining again.

For some reason, I can feel the loss before it happens. I will weigh, thinking I've lost weight and it won't show up for a day or two, anyone else ever experience this? I'm wondering if the weight shifts?....or am I so in tune with my body that I can actually feel it before it happens?? In any case, I am feeling fine and doing so well on this journey, so pleased and so proud of my accomplishments thus far!! It will only get better too, imagine that!

I was never a thin person...well, maybe for about 10 minutes back in 1982, when I was 128 pounds (down from my usual 165) and a size 7. At 5'7'', that was thin!! It was a disastrous diet though of 500 calories a day. It included B-12 shots and some other mystery pills....NOT A GOOD IDEA!

I yo-yo-ed for years after that....gained 90 pounds with my first pregnancy and never lost it, in fact, I gained even more after that and then dieted and got pregnant again and so on and so forth until at one point I reached a whopping 325 (about 3 yrs. ago) and had to see a specialist for breathing problems and found out, I had asthma.

I don't suffer from the symptoms of asthma any longer and I feel like I am on top of the world!

Good-bye carbs, hello healthy lifestyle!

To our anxious followers...

Today was weigh-in. Click on the 'scale' picture in the left sidebar of the blog to go to our weigh-in page for today's results! Pictures will be posted tonight (for myself) on the 'Don's Pictures' section (again, see link on left side of the blog). Thanks for the following.. it keeps us engaged, supported and inspired.

Pictures and weight chart have been posted.. Check-em out!

Eclipsed

My goal for these two weeks was 5 lbs., I thought that was pretty realistic, well my friends, it did NOT happen and I am not going to lie, I am disappointed.
Especially since I thought I had done so much better than 2 lbs in 2 weeks!

A nine pound loss in about a month and half and only 42 pounds total, seems like Sunny has been eclipsed, doesn't it?? When I did this diet years ago, I lost double the weight in the same amount of time. I basically did the same things I am doing now, so I am baffled...I just don't get it.

Ok, but on the upside, I have to remind myself that a loss is a loss!! I haven't stayed the same or gained (this time) and my clothes no longer fit. I can use a seat belt without pulling it out of its socket 4 times...hahaha and I do look and feel like a different person when I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror. I'm not sabotaging myself by eating anything I shouldn't and I'm still on track and plan to stay in control for the rest of my life.

My goal for the next two weeks?...I don't have one. Whatever happens, happens.

I do have some happy news though!! Congratulations are in order for Don who lost a whopping 10 pounds this week!!!! I find great joy in that fact. 70 lbs. to date, wow....I can't wait to hug his ever shrinking self!!

You exceeded your goal, cuz and I know you are on cloud nine today, as you should be!!! I know you're working hard this week, but find the time to celebrate :)

I'm Ready For My Close-Up...

Yeah, she's in there somewhere, and she's itchin to get out....actually, she's clawing her way out.

All things in time though and first things first!

I made up my mind today that I am taking pictures this week and I will post them before the weekend is out. I've been looking around at other blogs (and ours) and realized that the best part of losing, is actually seeing the results. And it's not until now that I can see the difference in myself...it took this long, but I can see objectively now, that I have lost a significant amout of weight and I want to continue to see the results, so like them or not, (and I will probably hate them) they're coming to the blog!

Tomorrow is weigh-in!! Stay tuned!

A dream unfulfilled, no matter how lofty or humble...

... is a tragedy to the dreamer. I'm so happy that the one real dream that I (and Sunny) have, is being fulfilled between your eyes, and yours. I've have had a lot of satisfaction in my life, a lot of success, a few very good friends, everything that is required, some would think, to have a happy life. But, the realization is that although I do have all those things, and although I am 'happy', this one dream, to be 'thin again, healthy again' has eluded me for almost 20 years.

That's right, I've been on the uphill slope of weight gain since 1990, when I got out of the Air Force. Then, I was 235, and I struggled to keep at that weight, because I always loved to eat. The military had a policy then, and I don't know if they still do or not, that if you were more than 10 percent over your 'ideal' weight.. you'd have to enlist in the 'fat-boy' program. Just the stigma of being on that program, and knowing that I'd be a spectacle wile being 'forced' to work-out in public areas around other airmen.

I met my partner in 1992 and weighed 260. Well we fell in love, and I settled into a great life, great relationship, and stopped caring about my physical well being. Satiating my appetites and desires, was all I cared about. I just 'BLEW UP'.

I have been 'dreaming' of being thin for many years now. I'm glad I finally took action and am striving towards that dream!

The blood tells the story...

Keep up the good work Sunny. Your last blog was great, and you're absolutely correct, we are both in this for the long haul, and even though we like to see milestones and interum goals reached, the final prize will be ours, because we are committed and have changed our lives.

Friday, I had a physical with my doctor. I anxiously awaited the results from my blood tests, yesterday (Monday). I had told my doctor that I had cut my diabetes medication in half a couple of months ago because of my low-carb life style. He, of course was concerned.

Well, my blood sugar (fasting) was 97, my A1C (average blood glucose over 3 months) was 5.7 (2 full points below last test and perfectly in range), my cholesterol was 146 and my blood pressure was 130/80 (last August it was 155/105). My HDL was great my LDL a little high, liver function, kidney function, triglycerides all good, all in all... an excellent result! My blood sugar hasn't been that low in 8 years. I felt great all afternoon after hearing this news!

I am excited, tomorrow is another weigh-in, one more in a long line of upcomming weigh-ins. Regardless of the result, I know I am happier and healthier than I have been in years!

It's Always Time For Change

I've been doing well with my new eating habits, my daily menu and attitude, but I am not feeling very energetic these past few days. I know I talk about it a lot, but my ankle is wreaking havoc with my daily routine and I fear, wearing me down mentally. I'll soon have to begin to think about surgery, (MY WORST NIGHTMARE) I am beginning to believe that I cannot heal this achilles tendon myself, though I am trying. Also, my personal life is in a spin as well, so I am doing damn good considering that the odds are stacked against me.


I had a moment to reflect this morning over my cup of coffee and I though about the whole concept of time, no, I didn't come up with any new theories or mind blowing realizations, but thinking about it did have a calming effect on me. The one thing I've learned is that this is not a diet, it's a lifetime change in eating habits and I've said this before, so excuse me for repeating myself, but time is on my side, because we are constantly changing anyway, it's whether it's for the best or the worst...for me, it's been the best. This is just the natural order of things for me. But I do think that for a lot of people, we reach a certain age, and I am reaching 50 this year, we do finally have to wake up and smell the coffee so to speak......everything you've learned comes into view and begs your action. Well, it did for me, thank goodness.

And you know what...this is like so many other blogs, and for fear of repeating myself, I will simply say that, I continue to do well, I continue to forever change the way I thought about food and exercise and I'm proud that I can stay focused months into this huge change!! I'm being the best "me" that I possibly can. And time will see the ever changing Sunny continue the transformation.

At the end of each day...

... anyone who has drastically changed their life to improve their health, should ask themselves... 'What have I done today to make myself proud'... I got this thought after watching reruns of 'The biggest Looser' on BRAVO, the song at the end.

I really do try to keep this in mind. We have to keep in mind that we are doing this for ourselves first. We should be proud every day of the choices we made to make our body healthier, our life better. EVERY SINGLE CHOICE we make during the day matters. When we make the right choices, 'what to eat', 'to exercise', 'to share our experience', 'to continue down the road', etc... at the end of the day, we need to make the right choices, the ones that will help us to succeed, the ones that will make us proud.

Yesterday, I fit into a booth at a restaurant, for the first time in several years. I had some intimidation about trying it, but I told the waiter, I'd like to try to sit at a booth, but am not sure right now if I can or not. Admitting that to myself, and in public to the waiter.. that was a big step. The fact that I FIT, is a big success... Yes I was proud at the end of the day. Proud that I put myself out there, not caring what the waiter thought, and even prouder that my choices have led to the success that allowed me to fit in that booth!

Diligence Pays Off...

I have a 50th birthday party to attend this evening, and I was lamenting over not having a thing to wear. So I looked into my closet and out came the size 22 tops and the size 18 dress pants, (I have always been bigger on the top) now these may seem huge to you, but they're a big step down from 30 tops and 22 pants to me. These are clothes I've had for about 4 or 5 years, when I was much thinner, or so I thought! I tried everything on and one after the other after the other, fit with room to spare :-D I am so elated right now!!!

Just when I thought I was going to stay at this plateau forever, the tides have begun to turn, my diligence is paying off and I am beginning to lose again, yes!!
I will never give up this fight against being fat. I have come too far and learned too much to ever backslide again and besides that, I've never felt this level of dedication to anything before and it feels so good. The satisfaction that comes from the results of staying on track, simply cannot be matched.

I have something to wear tonight and all is right in my world.
Enjoy this glorious weekend!

This blogging thing...

... it is such a great tool. Besides our determination, I think this blog is the most important thing that Sunny and I do, which keeps us focused. To me, it's like the difference between trying to drive with our without headlights at night.

We make an effort to try to post something every day. Why? Because it allows us to get the 'stuff' out of our heads and on 'paper' so we can process what we are feeling, both through the act of putting it down, and through the comments of each other, and our wonderful 'village' of followers who comment.

Suggestions, affirmation, recognition, alternate views, all these things and more are possible when we share our thoughts and 'put-em' out there for review.

PLUS, being dedicated to the process, knowing we are sort of 'expected' to blog about our feelings, our meals, our weigh-in's, etc... keep us honest. We are responsible, mostly to ourselves, but to our village as well. We know we don't want to let ourselves down, or our friends and family. As I said before in other blogs, we've come out of the dieting closet. No more hiding in the dark... THE LIGHTS ARE ON!

It's all a matter of perspective...

I have had several people ask me, lately, what was it that made you finally decide to do this, and succeed?

Well, I already blogged about the night where I laid in bed and just wanted to die under the weight of my own body. That was a sign to me that I had to change. My cuz Sunny and I made the decision together after our vacation together at the beginning of March, that we had to do something, as we panted and waddled through the airport in Miami. That's when we decided to take action, but really, the most important thing that I did was change my perspective.

It was subtle, at first, just a thought every time I needed to make a choice, saying to myself, Yeah I really want to do this, or Yeah I really need to do this.. but all of the sudden, every time I was faced with a choice to eat something, to go forward, or backward, to change my behavior or not, I said to myself, 'Do I want to eat that or do you want to die?' 'Do I want to change this, or do I want to die'.. the bottom line with every choice is, do it or die. I know this may sound drastic, but really, as morbidly obese as I was (am), it's really the choice I have to make, with every choice I make. I'm not being dramatic, not exaggerating one bit.. .EVERY TIME.. do I want .... or DO I WANT TO DIE. Well, with that perspective, the choice is always easy, and always the right choice. I love my life, my partner, my job, my family... the only think I'd like to see die is the fat.. and hey.. It's happening.. ! What was the line from that old move... 'I wanna LIVE'!

Life...It's Even Better When You Help It Along

I am feeling like the possibilities are endless today. I feel like someday I will actually be able to wear a white bathing suit and a big brimmed hat and look (at least) something like the picture above. I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm working toward "someday"...so it WILL happen!

I have a renewed sense of dedication every time I talk to Don and today was no exception! His recent weight loss of 6 more lbs. is astonishing, and proves his steadfastness and his determination to do it.

There is something to be said for witnessing the changes in someone else's life, especially someone you love and have so much respect for. To see his self respect improve in the way that it has, to watch him reach his milestones with all the happiness and joy any man has known, is truly a dream come true....I feel privileged to be a part of his success. My own success has been wonderful, don't get me wrong...but to see the changes that I feel, actually happening to someone else, is almost surreal. It forces me to open my eyes even wider, try a little harder, resist temptation and frustration.

I'm feeling very blessed tonight.

Here's to white bathing suits and big brimmed hats...and Don!!

Milestone Day...

Just a quick, short blog. I didn't blog last night. I had a day that started at 4:45 am and I didn't get home last night until 9:00pm. The good news is I did get a chance to go to the GYM!!! I'm working 12 hour shifts for the next month or so, due to a big project at work. I will still make time for the gym every other day..

Now to the milestone. I weighed this morning at 399.4.... FINALLY I no longer have to say I weigh 400.. and somthing.. I've not been below 400 pounds for 6 years. It's not a regular weigh-in day, but I was so close to 400 at my last weigh-in I've been monitoring daily. I am at 66 pounds lost as of this morning! and YES.. I am PROUD!

What was the food replacing?...

I saw an Oprah show today and she spoke of her coming to terms with her weight gain, and what she is doing to conquer her issues. Her biggest point was to figure out what was causing the overeating or bad lifestyle to begin with. "What are you trying to 'fix' with the food?" In her case, it was an 'in-balance' in her life, between her work and personal time. Not putting herself first...

Well, I did a lot of introspection when we began this journey, and I still do it almost every day. In my case, I was putting food in me to fill up the place where my self-respect should have been. My health/lifestyle/eating had gotten so out of control that I no longer had any self-respect. BUT HEY... I learned that I do have control, that nothing is as important to me as gaining control. Control of what I put in my mouth, and when, control of my exercise (non-couch potato behavior), and control of my general outlook on life.

I have changed at a fundamental level. Food is no longer the 'most important' thing in my life... MY LIFE is the most important thing. I can look at food that I don't eat now and say to myself, "mmmm that really looks good, or.. mmmm I'll bet that tastes wonderful", but you know what.. my self respect tastes a hell of a lot better!

As a side note... I cleaned out my drawers today and donated 5 bags of clothes which were too big for me, to a charity. THAT feels much better than any type of food tastes! That type of gratification is good for the soul.

Ice Coooold Ice Cream...Get Your Ice Cream Heeeere!

...Can't you just hear the guy on the beach as you read that? ;)

I know I know, I shouldn't be thinking about ice cream, but I can't help it!!
I miss it, I want it...and I'm going to find a good recipe or die trying!

I've had this sweet tooth for a while, and I've been buying sugar free jello and cool whip or any whipped topping, and it's good. But I still crave ice cream!!

So, here's what I did...I followed the directions on the box of sugar free instant jello (the quick set method) and when I removed the last of the ice cubes, I added about a cup of cool whip and used a hand mixer to whip it until thickened....put it in the fridge and it set perfectly in about 1/2 hour....next mission, to see how it will freeze.

Don and I have a section on low carb recipes, but I'm not sure if anyone has taken a look at it...if you haven't...you should! It's full of great ones!
I will surely add this one, because even when not frozen, it almost tasted like a black cherry moose...Delicious! The perfect ending to a wonderfully relaxing weekend.

Well it was so good, I had to share.

Looking at the world through new eyes...

I really don't know what's happening to me. I seem to be seeing some things in my world for the first time, through 'new eyes'. Ed and I went to a buffet today for lunch. I love going to a buffet because there is always a good salad bar and plenty of good protein items available, and I don't have to cook.

Anyhow, as we were sitting eating, I saw this extremely large man, his legs swollen and his shoes untied because his feet were so big, walking up and down past the desert bar, piling things on his plate. I looked at him and thought to myself, 'you know, that used to be me. What do I mean by that? Well, I think if the guy could have seen a video of himself in front of that desert bar, he may have just walked away, but, when you're living it, you have a different perspective. The focus for him was the immediate gratification of having something(s) sweet to eat. He had no regard for what he was doing to himself.

Now that I have been on this road for a while, I can look at these types of situations with new eyes. I have made my choice, months ago, to make myself (not my food or my cravings) a priority, and because of this, today I am 60 pounds lighter and 'tons' healthier. I wish there was an easy, non-threatening way to share this with people like the one at the buffet. I wish I could have just opened his eyes and showed him what I saw, maybe it could save his life.

Where there is a will, there is a way...

Today was another good day. Ed and I rode our motorcycles to New Hope early this morning, walked around town (and I could walk with NO PROBLEM), had lunch and then rode back home. FYI in the picture above, my motorcycle is the purple and Ed's is the red one.

There is always a way to stay on plan... We ate at a place and I looked and looked over the menu to find something I could eat. Finally, I decided to get a house salad, and an egg salad sandwich, then have them put the egg salad in my salad, instead of on bread.... as I said, where there is a will.. there is always a way!

HAPPY 4th OF JULY!!

Quote...

Yesterday...

This is an old pic from quite a few years ago as you can see...neither of us look like that anymore, but I dug it out anyway. We had such a wonderful time yesterday, talking, laughing and enjoying the pool and a low carb dinner we prepared together...it was so nice (as Don said..) to get that hug, to actually see each other and revel in our success in person!!
He truly looks great!!!

I can't even express the closeness we share as a direct result of this journey together. And no, nothing can replace the Human Touch, but just knowing he's there and still with me all the way, makes all the difference in the world to me.

Thanks for being there and thanks for a fabulous day, Don!!!

Happy 4th to all!

The human touch...

Today was such a nice day. I had a relaxing morning at home with Ed, then around noon, drove to NJ to see Sunny Girl and her family. We talked a bit about exercises in the pool, then just relaxed, floating and talking, all afternoon. We had a wonderful dinner together with the rest of her family, talked more and finally I left for home.

There is something to be said for the 'human touch'. We chat on the phone, blog together here, text and find all kinds of other ways to keep in touch using all the 'technological' solutions available these days, but you can't experience a hug in a text message, there is no looking into someone's eyes when your typing on your computer. IT WAS GREAT to spend the day together. We even stood side-by-side cooking our nice low-carb dinner together.

Thanks for the day Sunny Girl.

I'll just take a week off...

... I had a friend at work who has been doing weight watchers tell me today, when I asked her how she was doing, 'I've decided I need to take a week off to get myself together' then go off plan and just try to eat healthier. As she walked back to her desk, with the bag of cheetoos in her hand, I thought...

TAKE A WEEK OFF???? That's not the way it works. You are either committed and you do it, or you fail. I immediately thought to myself, Oh MY GOD.. that sounds so harsh, but.. then I thought, you know what.. the reality of being fat is harsh, it drives a persons soul into the ground, and she want's to take a week off, to go back to that?

Needless to say, I was a bit frustrated, and didn't know what to say to her. Finally I said, 'Well, you need to find something that works for you and stick to it, that's the only way the weight is going to come off.'

If I have learned anything at all in the last 4 months it's that you have to be committed and not make excuses to 'fall off the truck'. There are no excuses. Nothing should be as important if you really want to be thin again, than staying the course. NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT!

Looking Ahead

Well folks, I can now use my boob as a stopper in the bathtub (an old Joan River's joke) *giggle, snort* Sad, but almost true.

It seems everything wants to hang lately. My neck, my boobs, my flabby arms, my ever sagging butt, even my clothes are hangin'...it's insane. But guess what? I love it!! I'd rather have a li'l extra baggy skin than a boatload of fat, which is exactly what I had/have.
When I take the time to look ahead, it's bright where I'm going and I love that...no more blindfolds and denial. Just straight-up sunny days!!

Yes, I slipped up this week and gained a few ounces, due to overindulgence of fruit and nuts/seeds, but the scale and time are on my side now and I'll more than make up for it when I've lost 5 lbs (my new goal) in the next two weeks :)

Congrats to Don who lost a major 7.4 pounds this weigh-in! Yeaaaaayyyyy!!! And that's for a grand total of 60 Pounds :)....amazing!! My total is now 41. All together, that's 101 Pounds in four months time...We lost the weight of a 10 yr. old child!!! That's dedication, my friends.

The weekend is almost here, so start planning for a fun 4th!! I'll be attending a graduation party for a family friend on Saturday...another challenge, I love it!

Don and maybe Ed too are coming tomorrow...what a great week!! :)

Keys to our success

There ain't no stopping us now.. we're on the move. We've completed 4 months on the road and we're still going strong. Sixty pounds lost by myself, and 41 by Sunny.. that's really movin!!! This is HUGE!

What are the Keys to our Success.. so far?...

1. Dedication

2. Focus

3. Realistic Attitude

4. Thinking/Planning Ahead

5. Smart choices

6. Control

7. Partnership

8. Introspection

9. Willingness to Change

10. Desire

Without each of these 'Keys' we could not be successful. Using each of these keys, we will continue to be successful. And most important, without you, constant reader, we would be dancing in the dark.