Back to The Light

This has been a dark 5 days for me, but I have survived it and come out on the other side, into the light so to speak.....feeling a little like I just had a very bad dream...except it wasn't a dream.

Thanks again for all of your support while I was away, it really did mean the world to me. Don gave me the extra hugs for all of you and made me feel very loved and missed while I was gone, for that I must thank him again.

I have to tell you, I can see now why all of us are struggling with our weight....especially in time of grief, we all know that people send flowers and cards and prepared, 'easy' foods that are all around us most of the time, but even more so when cooking and prepping is impossible, right? Let me tell you, the foods available to me were hoagies/subs, pizza, bagels, donuts, cake, cake and more cake, was I tempted? Yes. And for the first two days, I was running on dunken donuts coffee and slim jims...NOT GOOD. I got smart and started bringing shakes to my mom's house and even made a chicken dinner one night, just so I could be sure we'd eat something nutritious. I wanted to dive into the bag of bagels though, and oh how I wanted that cake (and I'm not even a cake person) and pizza, but I knew if I did it, it would have set me back for days if not weeks and I didn't allow myself to use my dad's death as an excuse to indulge and cover up the sadness with the comfort of food...very hard for me, but I did it and for that I am thankful to myself. I am learning that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. I've found new strengths I never even knew I possessed and it feels good to know I am at a point in my life where I know I can do this, am doing it and don't have to struggle so much doing it. Everyone is tempted now and then, it's how we react to it that ultimately matters. It would have been so easy to dive into that bag of bagels or donuts, YES, JELLY DONUTS ;) easy and comforting.

I did come here to read all of Don's blogs while I was away, I'd log in at night and read in silence....I just couldn't find the words to comment, but the strength is what I did find and it helped pull me through. How great is that! I will never be able to thank him enough for it. And let me tell you, he looks amazing!! At one point, he was walking toward me the other night and I thought to myself, Oh My God! His steps were quick and steady, he wasn't out of breath when he hugged me and we wrapped our arms around each other with ease. I couldn't help but smile and think how lucky I am to be on this journey with him, to be inspired by him, to have his support and find comfort in it. I am blessed.