A very good friend's cherished aunt died this week and I will visit her tonight. There has been so much sadness around me this month, it's hard to focus on anything else. I woke up this morning at 3 a.m. and I couldn't for the life of me get rid of the vision of my dad on his death bed, in his last moments. I guess this is normal and hopefully it will pass and I will be able to think of happier times soon. I need to, they just won't come to me right now.
To be honest, all I want to do is make myself some french toast slathered in butter and sweet syrup and enjoy it with a hot cup of coffee, sweetened with sugar and cream. I won't have that of course, just as I won't have the pasta with seafood sauce that I have been dreaming about. I have been feeling very deprived lately and I know it has to do with my need for comfort, I must get through this though, or I will never reach my goals in the right frame of mind. I look in the fridge and nothing that I can have appeals to me, nothing! I honestly thought I was passed this need for solace in food...but I am clearly not and it distresses me.
Just after my father's death, I felt if I could get through that without needing food-comfort, I was free and clear, but it sneaked up on me when I least expected it. I will stand strong though and stay true to myself...nobody ever said this would be easy, and it's definitely not. But I am strong, I've already proved that to myself, now it's time to prove to myself that I can stay that way!
Happy Birthday, Karen!
To be honest, all I want to do is make myself some french toast slathered in butter and sweet syrup and enjoy it with a hot cup of coffee, sweetened with sugar and cream. I won't have that of course, just as I won't have the pasta with seafood sauce that I have been dreaming about. I have been feeling very deprived lately and I know it has to do with my need for comfort, I must get through this though, or I will never reach my goals in the right frame of mind. I look in the fridge and nothing that I can have appeals to me, nothing! I honestly thought I was passed this need for solace in food...but I am clearly not and it distresses me.
Just after my father's death, I felt if I could get through that without needing food-comfort, I was free and clear, but it sneaked up on me when I least expected it. I will stand strong though and stay true to myself...nobody ever said this would be easy, and it's definitely not. But I am strong, I've already proved that to myself, now it's time to prove to myself that I can stay that way!
Happy Birthday, Karen!
Oh gosh hon, it's a been a tough few weeks for you hasn't it.
ReplyDeleteThere is no time line as to when you should be past something. When bad stuff happens to me, I go into lock down mode & get very reserved..but a few days or weeks later - then all hell breaks lose & I come undone. Just when I think I'm "over" it, a wave of grief rears up & there's nothing I can do but muddle through it.
Sure turning to comfort foods will feel ...well, comforting, but what if it doesn't. What if you feel guilty on top of grief. Double whammy.
While I hate hate HATE to exercise, I must admit - it really clears the clutter from the brain, helps to give you a fresh perspective & really does help to get you through tough times so much easier. I think the body is so busy trying to make it through the exercise routine, that your heart is too busy working overtime to even consider breaking anymore.
You've come so far & done so very well & persevering through would no doubt make your Dad proud.
So if you awaken again at 3am. Get in your pool - hold onto a kickboard & just frog kick your way around the pool. You'll for sure want to get some sleep after that & you'll sleep so much better for it & be so much healthier for it too.
Hang on there kiddo - it's easy to forget all the good when so much bad is happening. But there will be blue skies again soon.
(((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteYou have come a long way and not turning to food is a sign that your new healthy eating is beginning to get fixed. That is very encouraging for keeping it off in the future.
The grief is very hard, having lost both my parents over the last 8 years, I do totally understand. It does take a while to get over it, but don't do what I did and take to food for comfort. I regret that now.
There are other people around you that need you now and you must be in good health for them as well as for yourself. Coping with difficulties in life is so much easier, when health issues aren't also present.
Take care and keep up the good work!
Sunny, thanks so much for your reply & your complements. You're a peach!
ReplyDeleteThanks also for bringing to my attention that I forgot to set up an email link on the blog! doh!