Effortless CONTROL... and just LETTING GO...

Just Imagine this is me (try hard!)

So... today I've been thinking about how effortlessly I seem to be walking down this road we are on. I don't really think about all the things I can not have, probably because they ARE NOT things that I can not have, but things that I choose not to have. I don't really feel like I'm depriving myself.

Honestly, I miss some things, especially bread and butter, and chocolate, but, someday, I'll be able to have these things again. When I do have them again, it will be in sensible amount and with my 'urges' under control. I have proven to myself that I do have control. I HAVE NOT strayed from my course, not even once, since we started this together on the 10th of March.

For a long time I chose not to exercise self control. I had plenty of excuses... a crappy childhood, a crappy family relationship dynamic (with my family, not with my partners), low self esteem, and a love for food which was almost an addiction. When you look at these 'excuses' alone, they are all 'valid' problems, which deserve resolution, or at least conclusion.

The bottom line was, even though I had plenty of 'problems', I chose to use food as an escape. Now I choose a different solution. I choose to control myself, to get better emotionally, mentally, physically. Not having 'food' as an escape, has actually made me focus on the other 'problems'. Now that I have 'control' I can look at those issues without the destructive behavior. I can resolve / conclude them and let them go.