It's not the power of the curse...

...it's the power we GIVE the curse. This is a line from a movie I just finished watching, and as with a lot of things I see these days, I immediately associated it with the journey Sunny Girl and I are on.

Being overweight, in my opinion, can be a curse. For me, it has been a never ending cycle of dieting methods, exuberant beginnings, tragic failures, depression and sadness. If this isn't the description of a curse, I don't know what is.

But I realize now that all this time, and through all the previous attempts at loss, I never really focused on the basic fact that I was giving the 'curse' the power over me, giving IT POWER and letting it defeat me, every time.

Sunny Girl and I have finally decided to take the power away from the curse, and give the power back to ourselves. The power to change, the power to make the right decisions, and most of all the power to look the curse in the face and say.. 'You no longer have power over us!'

Here is to the power we both have, Sunny Girl!

Hey Cuz...

...Sounds like you had a great day, I love that you felt more comfortable while riding, but not surprised, you've lost quite a bit, it shows so I know you're feelin' it, cuz.

I kind of feel like Don does today, much like my little girl, Tia in the picture over there. I'm headed to sleep, but had to stop in and share a little about what happened tonight. We had some friends over tonight that we hadn't seen in quite a while. They mentioned my weight loss, which felt good...people are beginning to notice and that's always cool, but what I really wanted to say was that they brought donuts with them......and donuts, as anyone who knows me knows, are my absolute favorite! And I wasn't even tempted! :-)

On the road again....

What a beautiful day today. Ed and I went out riding on our motorcycles (see image above, this is my Kawasaki Vulcan). I didn't ride much last year because I was 'to big' to be comfortable. Today, I felt good. I know I'll even feel better by summer and even better than that next spring!

I kind of have the blahs tonight. It's really the first time I have had to blog and have drawn a blank on what to blog about. So, instead of stressing about it, I'll sign-off and relax.. I deserve it! Blog at you tomorrow!

Don...

...The most inspirational person in my life!
A man who I have always admired and respected!

Doesn't he look incredible!!

Inspirational Quote

“In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins - not through strength, but through persistence.” ...Buddha

“hallelujah!”

I was thinking about bread and butter today, probably because when Don and I had lunch together today, the waiter brought a basket of bread for us to "enjoy" before our meal....Of course, Don said, "If you would, please remove the bread..."

But it left me wondering what it is about bread that I loved so much, why was it so satisfying?...Instantly gratifying? I had the same affection for pasta, but bread was so convenient. And then I remembered the feeling of comfort these foods brought me, when I was feeling alone or stressed about something, the bread was always the first thing I reached for. Nothing said 'comfort' to me like slices of toast with honey or jam on it...or butter or better yet, apple butter!!!

And then I realized, the reason I'm no longer in love with it, is because I found some things more deserving of my love and affection.......First and foremost, me and my family and friends....it's all about the people, not the food, not anymore.

Ourselves, and those around us, are where we draw our inner strength from and the foods we eat, give strength for the body, and being able to understand this is really helping me to look to the special people in my life when I need comfort, a good conversation with someone you love and trust is so much better than a freakin' piece of bread anyday!!! ......“hallelujah!”

Unless someone has walked a mile in my shoes....

.... they shouldn't suppose they know what I can or can not do, physically! I have to keep telling myself to speak-up in situations where other people don't realize what my limitations are.

I have blogged before concerning my 'fear' of not fitting. I was worried about the plane seats, the taxis, the chairs in the board room I was meeting in, etc...

I have a story to tell about my trip to France which will drive this point home.

The third day I was there, after working 11 hours the group who was in charge of our visit, planned a 'tour' of a new production facility which they were going to move into the next week.

The facility has a 'controlled' environment area where you must 'gown-up' to prevent product contamination. I know from the start I would have problems there (no gown to fit me.. etc).. so I said I would skip the tour and continue working. I didn't want to outright say 'you probably won't have a gown to fit my '@@# ass'. They insisted that I go, so I went.

First of all, the walk there was over half a mile (I'm not quite ready for that type of exercise yet), and I walked it, struggling to keep up with the group and silently sweating my ass off.

When we got there, we couldn't find the person who was going to let us in for the tour, so I had some time to stand, catch my breath and cool down (and mop off all the sweat). We finally got in and went into the gowning area.

Just as I thought, I couldn't find a 'paper throw-away' gown to fit. So I said so (embarrassing event number 1). They said 'we'll figure something out', and they did. They asked me to put on 'coat' on forward, and one 'backward', so my clothes would be fully covered.

Of course, I complied. What I or they didn't realize was they had just created the perfect 'sweat box' for me. I was already overheated, now I was locked into clothing that didn't let my body vent.. and I had to wear a 'bonnet' over my head to, so no heat out that way either.

So, the tour commenced. The building was 5 stories and about a third of a block long. After about 30 minutes walking around, we stopped (thank God), to wait for someone and when we stopped, I noticed there was water 'pouring' out of the sleeves of the lab coat and puddling on the floor (embarrassment number 2). I stood there, moving around every two or three minutes, as to not let the puddles get too large. Finally someone said 'Don' are you ok?

I said to the guy, "I know that you are testing all the aspects of the building, but unless you want to test the emergency response systems because you a big, fat, sweaty, exhausted man passed-out on the floor, I think I'd better go back to the gowning area and take off this sauna suit". If I had gone on any further I would have passed out.

The moral to the story is, I shouldn't let what other people think of me, or what they think I can do, overrule my common sense. I should have insisted I didn't want to go and not worried about what they thought. LESSON LEARNED (the hard way)

Building on our Successes...

I was up early this morning, even though it was my day off (4:15 am). I was watching some TV and waiting for Ed to get up and get ready for work. I started thinking about a meeting I was in yesterday, in which the subject of my diet came up. I was so thrilled to boast that I didn't cheat one bit, while in France, even with all the temptations.

I have great support at work, they all want to see me get healthy, and they were telling me how Ed was reading my blog and reporting to them while I was away, about how good I was doing.

As I think about this, I realize that in those individual successes I can draw strength... IT REALLY FELT GOOD to be able to say in front of the group ..." I DID IT". A lesson learned. Our individual temptations may be difficult, but having the strength to overcome them, gives us something to 'hold-on to' and put before ourselves and others to show our success and commitment.

We build our successes one at a time, but with each one, we grow stronger, more confident, more capable and ultimately healthy, both mentally and physically.

Vision.. Past Present and Future

The Road

I saw a commercial with Wynonna Judd in it about a new diet system (Alli). She said something that got me thinking.

Sunny Girl and I ARE on a journey. I use the metaphor all the time on this blog, the Road to success.. etc... so here are my thoughts at this moment:

I am standing on our road. I look behind me and see the person I was, and am glad I'm not that anymore. I see where I am on the road and I like who I am, but, I can see down the road and I really love who I am becoming.

I FEEL GOOD

Thanks Guys and Gals

For all of the support I receive, for all well wishes and the pats on the back, I thank you.

My days are brighter and my body is lighter because of you!

I had an amaZing day, meal wise and just feeling wonderful in general. My clothes are so loose, it's getting rediculous, but it makes me so happy, I giggle when I get dressed!!

Have a relaxing evening, I know I will.

:)

Today... is such a GOOD DAY!

I am full of energy today. I want to jump and shout (really I do). I'm excited about our progress, I'm happy with my decisions and choices, and I feel GREAT. Tomorrow I get to have lunch with my road-warrior Sunny Girl.. and that will be wonderful. I love when we can see each other face to face and chat.

Things I am grateful for today:

Arms and legs that work

A clear mind

The ability to breath

The expectation of a bright future

Here's To our success...

I am so proud of both of us. We are in week 6 of this journey and are both energized, enthused and persistently progressing towards our goals. We both need to keep in mind that the road is going to be long, and the process will not stop, even after we reach our 'goal weights'.

I am glad that I could finally weigh myself and have an indicator of how I am doing. I know it is just a number, and not every weigh-in will be a huge drop, but as long as we are both heading in the right direction and keep focused on our end objective.. we'll do just fine!

Congratulations to you Sunny, for another loss, but better yet, to your dedication to the journey.

A Loss Is A Loss...

...Ok, so I lost One and one half pound in 15 days. Don't even think for a moment that this is bothering me. I've done this before and what I've learned is, once the initial weight comes off (including lots of water weight) there are ebbs and flows....I hit an ebb and that's ok. I know that when I'm weighed again on the 30th there will be a substantial amount of loss.

Being so sedentary has a lot to do with it, and I will have to either pick up the pace or cut out some of the veggies....I just hope that screaming mongoose doesn't rear it's ugly head! (Major eye roll!!)

Kudos to Don....over 22 lbs. !!!! We are sooo on our way! Never has a rainy day looked so lovely to me!

*singing* ....Seat belts that fit and no extentions, loose fitting clothes and much smaller mittens....I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don't feeeeeeeeeel...sooooooooooo baaaad!! ;)

Berry Good...

I love my strawberries so much, I fear my tongue will soon resemble this picture! ;)

I had a stellar day, I wish every day could be this uncomplicated. I wasn't hungry and I was very busy so it was easy to almost not even have time for meals, the shakes came in handy, thank goodness for shakes!

I'm weighing in tomorrow, I hope there's been SOME kind of loss, if not, it's forge ahead, nothing's going to stop me now!

Small signs...

... of progress. For the last year and a half or so, I haven't been able to put my seat belt on. I used to ALWAYS wear the belt while driving. I haven't tried to put it on in quite a while, but over the weekend, I decided to try... and guess what.. I put it on with room to spare!

We have to mark each of our signs of progress, no matter how small! WOO OOOO HOOO

I had a good day today, first day back at work after the trip. I'm in great spirits and very happy with my success while out of the country.

Tomorrow is weigh-in day. My new scale arrived today... stay tuned!!!

I'm In Control

I got through Easter with one very small infraction, the tbs. of pasta that I simply had to taste. It was an amazing dish and at one time, I would have eaten 1/2 a lb. of it, but the taste got me through, probably because there were so many other choices...Easter Dinner was wonderful.

Today was stressful, probably my most challenging yet as far as emotions go. I have not given in to it by squelching the emotions with food, I am allowing myself to deal with the emotions, feel them, continue to improve my life by thinking in a different, more self appreciating way. I've come a long way.

Before I began this plan, I would have dealt with these emotions by wallowing in self pity and reaching for sticky buns or any other carb laden food.

But now I am in control of my own body and mind, therefore, what goes in it, nutritionally or emotionally, must be positive in nature. I make the right choices as far as nutrition and I can deal with emotions without letting the negativity fester, weeding it out and letting it go, being left with empowerment and the will to act! I am moving forward....it's a timely process, but it will be a worthwhile one.

Having read what I just wrote, it almost sounds cryptic...I am having a hard time articulating because I don't want to bore with details. Just know that I am doing fine, I am in a good place. More sure of my future now more than ever before and feeling very in control, emotionally, and this has a very positive effect on my daily diet....my first step of many to a successful future.

Every day... a new day

What I'm grateful for today:

Each new day

Pride

Confidence

A healthy future

A village who supports me

Errrr... Update

Well, I finally decided to order a different scale. Although the manufacturer of the scale I got a week ago said it would weigh up to 440 lbs, I don't think it can. I really feel that I am either close or below that weight. So, today I ordered the exact same scale that I use to use before, the one we couldn't find. I have faith in that one, and if it 'Err...'s me, I'll believe it. It should be here sometime this week.

I'm not really being 'hung-up' on weighing myself, but I do want to know the number!

The scale is a Tanita HD351

Don-out

Easter.. a good time to have eggs!

I hope everyone is going to enjoy the day. We will be spending the day with family, and I'm sure lots of temptations. One thing to say about Easter, at least it's a holiday where some of the food is centered around something I CAN eat.. the incredible, edible EGG!

Someone enjoy the chocolate for me!

Happy Easter!

I am really looking forward to sharing this holiday with my "other" family, the Maglio's! My friend, Chris knew that I was not able to cook Easter dinner for my family this year because of my ankle issues and since there was no invitation forthcoming from my family, she was gracious enough to invite us all to her home for the holiday.

I don't know what will be on the menu for today, there was no need to even ask since anything made by any of the Maglio family is always superb, but I do know that I'm confident that I will be able to stay on plan and have an incredible meal at that! So I will post my meal plan later this evening.

I am so fortunate to have such wonderful people in my life. Don and Hubby, Gina, Moe, GalPal and Geri not the least among them. My girlfriend, Alberina and Mary, the Maglio sisters have all shown so much care and love as well, they may not comment often, or at all, but I am in constant touch with them and they are genuinely interested in my progress...I have such an amazing support system!

Happy Easter to all of you, you're in my thoughts and I wish you a wonderful day on this, the holiest day of our year!
Sunny~

It really does take a village...

Sunny Girl... This is for you. 

When you are having a bad day, or are in the middle of a bad situation, turn to the ones you know you can count on. We are there to support you through thick and thin, good and bad. Reach out to us, don't try to handle it alone. You know you can call anytime you need to.. and I know I can do the same. we are here for each other, to listen, to love, and especially to talk each other 'down from the ledge', so to speak, when times get tough. 

Here, in this safe circle, we all love you, admire you, respect your accomplishments and your will to succeed. Just, please, remember, you are not alone, and do not have to handle the bad stuff alone!

Reaching...

....for the stars, and not quite touching them.
Today was a very bad day for me, plan wise, emotionally and physically. Spiritually, it was a good day, I attended Easter vigil Mass with Gina and it was very uplifting.

However, I came home to hell with a very big mouth and enough negativity to fill a stadium, let alone a home. Support is practically non existant. If I am quitting smoking, it's a happier place to be, but this being an addiction and my not being able to quit this addiction lends itself to the most unhappy place on the planet.

No, it's not my health that is the concern here, it's the price of a pack of cigarettes, I agree it is a very steep price, but not one that is regulated by me.

I didn't last long without a cigarette and feel like there is no way I can stop right now. I'm sure I want to stay on this plan, but my life is not conducive to attempting it in a harmonious environment. This is not a cry for help. I am just having an extremely hard day.

Grandmom Suez used to say, better days ahead.......from her mouth to God's ears.

Oh.. there's no place like home....

Dorothy had that one right. I enjoyed my trip to France, and felt great to be successful our 'journey' while I was there, but I have to tell you.. ... There really is 'no place like home'. 

While I was away, I faced many temptations and overcame each one. I got more exercise (the French walk EVERYWHERE on the site there) than I have had in the last 5 years. 

Because of the 'plan' I found it difficult at times to get what I needed. Water was difficult to have access to in the building where we were meeting and I couldn't just run out to a 'supermarket' to get some, so I only had about half of what I needed every day. HOWEVER.. I am VERY PROUD of myself.

Sunny Girl, I'm VERY PROUD of you as well. You stuck to plan and posted very well while I was away too!

My plan today is to shop for food for next week. I want to roast a chicken and roast beef so we can eat it during the week. I want to try to cook more than to rely on shakes or prepared meats during the week, when I don't feel like cooking.

I am also going to seek Ed's advise on some simple exercising that I can start doing each day to start getting into the grove and into gear. I've asked him to be my 'personal' trainer (ok.. you all, no jokes!)! :)

To all our supporters, thank you for continuing to view and comment on our blogs. Our journey could not be successful without you. We rely on you all so much! 

Say It Ain't So!!!

Yesterday was an incredibly stressful day and it was the very first time I did not blog. I made a promise never to let that happen again, no matter how stressed I was. I went to Philly yesterday with Gina, to help my mom out. I stayed on course and did better than well.

The day before yesterday though, I went for a doctor visit and they insisted on weighing me....grrrrrrr! I didn't want to do it until the 15th, but it had been a while since I'd been to this doctor and the nurse insisted they needed to update it (apparently my telling her my weight wasn't good enough) so off came my shoes, sweater and handbag, I stepped up and I wasn't going to look, so I looked away from the scale and yes, she announced it!! 390, she said! I told her; do it again, I stepped off and stepped back on.....390. I not only didn't lose, I GAINED a half a pound?? And I'd fasted because I needed to have blood work done, so it wasn't because I'd eaten!!

Normally I wouldn't be too upset by this, because it's not very often that two scales weigh you the same, so what did I do? I went home, shed my shoes, sweater and handbag and hopped on mine.....390. I realize there will be plateau's but so soon? I'm trying to make peace with it though . I'm waiting until the 15th or 30th to weigh and I will not be discouraged or even disappointed, I am working too hard to let a scale rule my emotions at this point, it was very confusing to me though.

If I feel like I am losing and I feel sooooo good, the scale shouldn't make a bit of difference! It's what I tell Don all the time, but sheesh, when it happens to you, you can't help but feel very disappointed. All I can do is continue to make positive changes and move on down ;) the scale, (eventually) it will come, I have faith in my commitment.

Don comes home today!! YAAAAYYYY!!!

I'm commin home...

...I've done my time. I'm leaving sanofi-aventis for dinner now and will be flying home in the morning. This trip, for me, has been a real test of my personal resolve to get fit and stay fit.

I have been faced with some huge temptations, and more exercise (everyone walks everywhere here). I was like a big sweat-ball when I got to the hotel last night.

I look forward to being back in range with everyone in a day and a half.
DON

Quickly

Sorry for no post last night. Had a very long day and am waiting for taxi now. I had a good day with food. I won't be able to post again till I get home Friday. Leaving for home in the morning.

Love and support to all.

Don

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

The Perfect Foods

Mmmm...Eggs and bacon. Thank goodness I love them both so much. Even cook time is fairly quick...bacon can be cooked in the microwave in minutes (paper towels on top and bottom) and eggs take no time at all to fry, boil or scramble. I like to make a lot of bacon at one time because I use it for a lot of other things, I add to my egg salads, or I scoop some eggs on top of the bacon and eat as a finger food, add to salads and meats, even bacon bits and cheese as a snack.

The thing about bacon and eggs is that when combined, you're getting all the fat and protein you need to feel not only satisfied, but satisfied longer. That allows you to have four or five lighter meals - including snacks - throughout the day which are essential on a low carb plan.

To a regular dieter it sounds like a horror because of all the fat and protein we're taking in, but without the carbs, it works....when a person only takes in fat....that's all a person burns....what a concept!

p.s. Tomorrow is quit day for smoking too, wish me luck!
I am really going to do this.
Will, determination and commitment.

busy busy busy

Today was spent at doc's office, and running errands....shopping, etc., but I did well on plan, will write more tomorrow, too tired. :)

Trusting Yourself!

Last night was the first time since I started this journey that I ate totally alone. I, of course, made all the right choices, but realized, hey....I really can trust myself.

In the past, eating alone was the time when I really had problems making correct choices. Not anymore. I have finally proved to myself that I CAN trust myself, and this is a great feeling

I'm leaving for work and will add to this post when I get back tonight.

So, another long work day. Got to the hotel at 8:30pm. I went to a Lebonese restaurant for dinner. Now it's off to post this blog and to bed.

Sunny Girl. Congratulations on your exercise with Gina. WAY TO GO!!!

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Tuning In And Toning Up

Gina and I did our work out! It wasn't extreme by any means but it lasted a good 30 to 40 minutes. It felt good, but I am in desperate need of a shower, so I won't make this a long blog.

It was a great day though. Meals were good, relax time counted and my ankle is actually feeling slightly better. Life is good.

I miss talking to Don, reading his comments and talking things over...he's been such a help to me, he says I inspire him, but we inspire each other. I learn so much from him about perseverance and commitment, dedication and accountability.....Miss you, cuz!

Different Country...

... Same choices. It's Monday morning and I'm feeling good. Because I stayed up most of the day yesterday, it made it easier to get used the time difference here.

It is now the end of my work day. I had a good day today. I'm back at the hotel and having dinner there, by myself.

I was very nervous about the trip, as I blogged previously, but, really everything is working out just fine.

Thank you, Sunny Girl for posting the picture on my blog from yesterday.

We, my love.... I miss you and the pups Sooooo much, already.

I will blog my meals on the meals page.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Planning Ahead...

I am having a very relaxing day, thank you. :) My meal plans are working and I think that's because I plan them ahead of time. I don't like rummaging through a fridge at the last minute, looking for "something" to eat. I like planning ahead, prepping if I have to and then taking the time to relax this foot or I could be doing things that need doing. My point is, planning ahead helps to keep me focused on the plan without having to think of food all the time. I just take some time, once a week to think about what I need to have in the house, buy it and prep it and it's all ready for me at meal time.

Don has begun to do this after his dinner meal every night, for the next day, and it's working for him as well.

Sometimes it's impossible to plan ahead, especially for a person who works outside the home, but when you do take the extra time, planning and preparing ahead can save time, energy and pounds! It's helped me this far and is definitely the way to go for me....try planning ahead to win the battle against reaching for "something" instead of the one thing you've already planned, and for health's sake.........relax.

This may not be pretty...

But it's bloggin Montpellier style.

I just got in to the hotel. It's 3:43 pm on Sunday here, we're 6 hours ahead of EST time.

I did good with food but had limited choices. And OMG don't ever send a bakers son to France while he is ok low Carb. I had to order a chicken sandwich on a baggette, and throw out the bagette. Oh horror of horrors!

I'll blog more later. Internet is not free but 11 euros for 3 hours.

Love to all  [Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

I Wish I Could Move!

I'm Feeling a little frustrated today. I have so much energy, I feel so much lighter, but of course I still have the ankle issue holding me back.

I did just a minimal amount of walking last night, and this morning I cooked (I made a pot of Italian gravy and cooked meatballs and sausage to add to it.....I also have a roast beef in the crock pot for tomorrow) and now the ankle hurts a lot, so I am going in to sit down a while and try to keep it up for the rest of the day/evening. Maybe I'll pop a few movies in and just enjoy my Saturday evening. The trouble is, I feel like I want to clean the house (Thank God for Gina) or take a walk or do some shopping! :-D I just can't do the walking or even standing.

When I begin exercising on Monday, I will have to sit in place and do upper body exercises...Gina and I plan to begin using the weight bench and small weights we have downstairs, I figure if I can't get on the treadmill, I have to begin doing something and that seems like the only viable plan for now. At the end of May we'll open the pool and at least I can do some lower body and leg exercises without putting any pressure on my ankle....Come on, May!!!!

Don has left the building............Be safe, cuz! xo

Inspirational thought for Today...

We can see, we can hear, we can breath, we can walk and talk, we can live. We can make choices, we can resist, we can be proud.

We are fortunate to have the opportunity to make change.

The face is the first to go...

I've been told that you can see my loss in my face. I want to devise something here in the blog where I post at least 1 picture of my face, and 1 of my body every 15 days, so we all can scroll through them during the process and see the physical changes. I'll have created separate page on the blog for myself (See new icon in left sidebar for Don's Pictures) and I will create one for Sunny Girl, when I get back from France, if she wants to do this as well. 

I think it will be cool once we are down the road a bit to look at all the pictures in sequence to see the changes. 

Just another tool for motivation and historical documentation!

YEAH!

I love my iPhone

It's just a marvel of modern technology. While I am away in France, I'll be able to keep in touch with this vital support tool... our BLOG. It is really our lifeline and focal point during our journey out of fat and into thin.

I was able to find an application for the iPhone that helps me count carbohydrates in my meals, one that allows me to blog to this blog, and one that allows me to read an Atkins low-carb cookbook. 

I plan on coming home with all new ideas about meals and choices, making this process more interesting and the food more varied.

God bless technology....

On my way...

 

 Today is going to be a BUSY day so I thought I'd get up and blog early. I am determined to stay ON TRACK the entire time I am gone. It's going to be an adventure, I'll be eating in airports, restaurants with colleges, and in hotels. Myself and 2 others are meeting with our French and German counterparts.

I have the ability to BLOG and review BLOGs and comments via my iPhone. The Holiday Inn Montpellier has WiFi! I will TRY to blog every day. There won't be any of the lovely pictures, but I'll put how I'm doing and what I'm eating. When you read.. remember the time there is 5 hours ahead of us.

I love all of you guys.. and thank you so much for all the comments and support. As Sunny Girl said.. it means the world to us.

Sunny... Keep going, Keep blogging... Keep Succeeding... And I will do the same!!!

Dedicated to Gina

What a day, it was a busy one, but I was glad to actually get out of the house for once. I probably did too much, and my ankle is hurting tonight, but it was so worth it!!

I spent the morning and afternoon running errands and this evening, Gina and I went to her university for the Kappa Delta Pi induction ceremony. My little girl is graduating with honors!!

I was so proud of her tonight, as I always am. This was a very special night for me though, one I always knew would happen, she worked so hard and was truly dedicated for the past four years, it is well deserved. When they presented her ropes to her, I was surprised by how emotional I felt. My baby did it! She graduates with her duel certifications in Elementary Education and Special Education. She did her student teaching at a private school here in NJ and worked with children who have autism of one form or another and hopes to be hired in this field very soon. What a woman she's become!

You can follow her blog if you like, her link is at the bottom of this blog page.
Thanks for letting me gush a little tonight. I was too excited not to.

We had a terrific meal after the ceremony, I love her company.

I had a wonderful day on the plan and my meals are posted on the "Our Meal's" page.... :)

p.s. Don and I are so grateful for all your comments, it's helping us immeasurably!

To 'Err..' is human...

Ed called me in the car to let me know that the scale I ordered had arrived. I was on my way home from a meeting with my accountant. I was so excited.

When I got home, I unpacked the scale and put in the batteries. I ran into the bedroom and striped naked.. and got on the scale...

OMG...IT HAD THE NERVE to indicate in the display, not a weight, but : Err... Err.. Err.

I looked in the book that came with the scale and found that 'Err...' meant the weight applied was above the maximum weight capacity of the scale.

WELL HELL... I had another scale that went to 450, but neither of us could find that one. This one has a max load of 440. I thought sure by now I'd be below that.

Has anyone seen the Stephen King movie 'IT'.. (see clown picture to the right of Pennywise the Clown from the movie)? For just a moment, ... well actually, about an hour.. I felt Pennywise inhabit my body.. all I wanted to do was be angry.

I told Ed... 'I don't even care', it's not about the number on the scale, anyway. That was a good thought, but not really what I was feeling at the time. After cooling down, I realized that I had no idea of what my starting weight was 4 weeks ago when we began. I assumed it was around 450 because I'd never been higher than that in my life, but apparently I was wrong.

My next thought, was, well.. damn.. I know that I've lost at least 10 or 15 pounds in the last 4 weeks, a lot of that water, but at least..... so.... Being as I can't weigh for now, I had to come up with a new plan...

My plan is to weight on the 1st and 15th of every month, just like my pal Sunny Girl.. and at some point that scale will stop 'Err... ing' at me and tell me what I weigh... and until then, and after then, the number is still only a number.

In the end.. being the 'divine' person I am, I forgave the scale and released Pennywise into the night. I know I'm doing the right things and making all the right choices, so, eventually I WILL GET THERE.

Love to all..

Why have 'a little...'

... when you can have a lot. Well, because a little, or a reasonable portion, is the right choice. 

How much is 'Enough'?

For a long time I have struggled with portion control. A lot of the weight I carry is because I didn't control what... or HOW MUCH I ate. 

Now that I'm in the no-carb zone, I am not hungry, so I don't tend to 'over-eat' when I do eat. My mind set is different. 

I'm in the moment when I eat, and making the right choices, not only what I should be putting in my mouth, but HOW MUCH. 

This is a huge change for me.

Hard time...

I'm having a hard time knowing what to blog about tonight. I'm actually very disappointed that I couldn't weigh in yesterday. I hope the scale comes before I leave, but I don't think it will. I'm going to be traveling in a few days, to France and I guess I'm a bit anxious. 

I have a busy day tomorrow because we are flying out on Saturday. I'm not crazy about giving up my weekend to travel, but I'm excited about the opportunity. Staying on plan and on target is getting easier and easier. 

Like Sunny said in her post, I'm not really very hungry anymore and my focus is no longer on 'when or what' I'm going to eat next. Im really not tempted at all by the carbohydrates and sugars that I'm not getting. This is a VERY GOOD THING.

I came home pretty tired tonight, so, I'll blog more when I have more to say.

BRAVO US.. Sunny! We're doing it!

Peacocks Are Us

I am proud of me. I've never been really proud of myself for losing weight. Proud of friends, proud of my kids, their accomplishments, and my home...but me? Not really. Even when I've lost weight (countless times) in the past, I always knew in the back of my mind, I'd be fat again, it was just a matter of time.

This time, it's different. I know 100%, without a doubt that I will never be fat again. I've had it with being unhealthy, and this time, I am going to let myself feel the pride because this is a new me. I'm not thinking like the old, fat me...I eat to live now, instead of living to eat. I'm making different choices, sometimes I even have to remind myself to eat something. I am rarely hungry, I just don't think about food all the time, the way I used to. I still love to cook, and I do for the family, but I am not even tempted to taste the things I know I can't have.

I wasn't sure I wanted to mention this in the blog, but I am a smoker as most of you know and this too will be coming to an end shortly. I am making my health paramount from now on......quitting smoking is one of the hardest things I have ever done, but it isn't impossible, I've done it before and I will do it again for the last time very soon...I'll blog about it in the future.

I'm off to write about my meal plan....This peacock is outta here...;)

Weighing is on the way...

I ordered a scale just now. I am hoping it will arrive either tomorrow (Friday) or before I leave Saturday. I would really like to know how I've done so far before I leave for France. Wish me luck.

Scale I ordered:

http://www.scale-it.com/17-270.htm

Whirlwind...

Hi all... today is a hectic day. I'm at work, it's 8:30 am and I've already had 2 meetings. I leave for France on Saturday and am excited. I am confident I will be able to stay the course and stay on plan.

I am so SO proud of Sunny Girl and her weight loss so far. We created a 'Weight Tracker' page for us to start documenting our weight changes. We plan to weigh twice a month, on the 1st and 15th day of the month. I can't weigh yet because I don't have a scale that will go up to my weight (I got on the scale Ed uses, and all it did was SCREAM.. get off you fool ! LOL). I had a scale that went up to 450 but neither Ed or myself can locate it. I was prepared and anxious to weigh yesterday, and disappointed I couldn't. I'll order one today/tonight and be able to weigh in when I get back from France.

I am confident, however, that I am loosing,... I can feel it!

No Small Steps

I took a very big step today, right onto my scale.

I've lost.......(Drumroll Please)......... 20.5 pounds!!

I was so filled with joy, so excited, so motivated!!!

I faced my fear head-on and did it. Losing my fears as well as pounds is very empowering to me. I don't fear posting my weight either, (something I never would have done 3 weeks ago), but now I refuse to have my weight define who I am...I am now 289.5 lbs. I know a few people who might read that and feel a little sick, but it was akin to viewing the most beautiful garden in the world to me. I cannot even explain the joy I felt. I was over 310 lbs. before the cruise, and I know I had to gain quite a few more while dining the way we did, but I refuse to count cruise weight.

I spoke to Don today when we had our daily after work chat and he's making major changes in his daily routine, He calls them small steps, but I must say, to me, they are huge. Every step is major for the simple fact that we are changing our habits, our routines, our everyday lives, ourselves...FOREVER!

There are no small steps.

Finding new ways to challenge old behaviors...

It starts slow, you've heard it before... stairs instead of elevators, that kind of thing. I realize that exercise is going to be an important element of this process, and definately a key to staying at our goal.

I plan to start a regimented exercise plan once some of the initial weight comes off, but, in the mean while, I am starting to challenge my old behaviors.

Instead of sitting in a chair and asking ... 'would you mind bringing me this or that', I'll get off my ...... and get it myself. Instead of parking close, parking farther away and walking (you saw this in a previous post).

Today, my challenge is to walk to the cafeteria for lunch. It's in another building and includes, dare I say it.. walking up hill for about 50 yards. My heart is going pitter-pat just thinking of it now. I may need a change of clothes when I get back to my cubicle, but.. there will be a payoff.

So, my point... let's try to challenge those old destructive behaviors and develop new healthy ones.

I choose LIFE...

It really all comes down to a choice, do I want to live or die. I have been carrying this burden of weight for almost 20 years. The past 5 that burden has almost doubled. Many times in the past year or so, I caught myself, when I was being limited by the weight, thinking, I wish I could just die, and get it all over with. I realize this probably sounds selfish to someone who is not in my situation. I also realize now, and then, that I have plenty to live for, not the least of which is a loving husband.

BUT.. when you are in the 'middle of it', like Sunny and I are, it's hard to see past the fat. Everything seems so difficult, so unattainable and you just loose hope, loose desire, loose the will for anything.

BUT NOW... things are different, things are much better... I HAVE HOPE. I see a brighter future ahead of us. I see strenght and commitment. I see a healthy life, I see success.

In the end.. I guess I have chosen LIFE!