Live...Learn.

What a beautiful day this turned out to be, I had my brother and his family over today and yes, I had crabs and spaghetti...yes, it was good and no, I didn't feel as good as I thought I would once I ate it. It was delicious, but I felt overstuffed and tired after the meal. I know why I wanted to taste it again, but it was definitely not as delightful as I thought it would be.

Tomorrow it's back on track, no detours. I am not going to weigh this week...it could be too disappointing, so I will skip it and move forward.

The thing about today was that I completely enjoyed being with my brother and his family and my mom came too with her pooch and a good time was had by all. What I'm trying to say is, it would have been just as fabulous if I'd had a bunless burger and a salad. People are what makes life so good, not the food. It's just not about the food anymore.

Hmmm.. What do I miss most??

I don't really have anything new to blog about today. I'm doing good on plan, got to the gym yesterday. Got busy today and didn't get there, but will go again tomorrow after work. I did some good grocery shopping for the week, and grilled chicken, ribeye steak and pork chops to have as protein during the week. I'll be working another 5 day/12 hour per week, but I'm ok with that... it's what's needed for the project and I'm making some good extra money.

I was at my sister-in-law's last night and we got talking about 'What do I miss most' and it was an easy list. You'd think I'd miss things like pizza or potato chips but for me, the list is:

1. Popcorn (I pop my own in olive oil)

2. Garlic Bread with lots of butter

3. Baked potatoes with the works

That's the top three. I know I'll have these again some day, but in very very moderate amounts.

Everyone have a good week.

When you wish upon a star....

I am so jazzed about going on vacation. Two weeks from today I'll be in sunny Florida at the Animal Kingdom Lodge, Disney USA.

I have spent so much energy and thought, focused on this journey that Sunny and I are on, staying on track, expanding my experience, changing my behaviors, and LOOSING WEIGHT...

I finally get to experience, really experience, the benefit of my actions. I know for the first time in 10 years, I'll be able to walk around at the park and Epcot and enjoy myself. I'm by no means 'slim', but 85 pounds less than the last time I was there is going to make a big difference. My loving partner will not have to go do all the great things alone. I may even be able to fit in some of those rides I've been wanting to go on.

My plan is to not deviate from my eating requirements, after all, they are a way of life now, not just something that I am doing temporarily to loose the weight. The exercise of walking all over the park and Epcot will, I'm sure, keep me on track concerning exercise. My goal is to go away on vacation, and come back thinner than when I left.. now wouldn't that be great!~

As a side note, I think it is time for me to commit to working out harder, not just in the pool now, but walking around the track, and starting to work out on some of the exercise machines. My hope is that I don't 'gain muscle weight', so I'll be doing lots of repetitions at lower weight, instead of trying to 'muscle build' with heavy weights/low reps. This is what I need to do to step-up to the next level, with my exercises.

The week was long, but good. I stayed on plan, but only got to the gym one night. I will go today and tomorrow. I get to go buy a few pieces of clothing for vacation today, that'll be great too!

Everyone have a great weekend.

The Blog I Never Wanted To Write...

Every year around this time of the summer, I cook crabs in Tomato gravy. My brother is coming tomorrow and he is bringing the crabs, I will clean them and cook the gravy and of course, pasta. It's my favorite meal ever, partly because I grew up on it - my grandmother used to make it at her shore house every summer - and partly because it's just damn good!! I passed it up once this summer at a friend's house and it was very tough, I felt deprived and I haven't felt that way very often on this plan.

I was feeling guilty about having some this time out, but it's just plain unrealistic to think I can go on until the end without a little indulgence and then I remembered just how deprived I felt, how hard it was to sit there while everyone oooed and ahhed over how good it was. I remembered also that I won't have the chance to have it again for another year...*sigh*

I talked to Don briefly in text yesterday and told him I was going to have some spaghetti this weekend, yes, I was giving in!!!! and he completely understood, then I checked the box of spaghetti and realized that it's 42 carbs for 1/8 th of a box, which is probably 1/4 or 1/2 cup of cooked pasta!! That's more than 2 days worth of carbs for me.

I have done what I said I wouldn't do, and that's weigh. I gained 3 pounds staying on track and I know this pasta is probably going to set me back another few pounds if not more and I'm not happy about that, but I'm not going to let it get to me as I have in the past and I'm thinking that when I get right back on plan this coming Monday, my body will begin to lose again?....I sure hope so, because that's exactly what I am planning to do.

Anyway, this weigh-in on the first of Sept. should be a tough one to get through, but I'm confident that the tide will turn in my favor eventually. I'm not going to let it get me down, I am still in it to win it.

Take a breath... take a chance...

and... make a change.

Hi everyone. I'm sorry it's been a while since my last blog. I'm doing good on plan, and working hard. I went to the gym last night, and will go again tomorrow.

I heard the 'intro' words to this blog in a song, and got inspired to write. The reason that Sunny and I are doing well on this journey is because we did just what I opened the blog with.. we Took a breath, took a chance.. and made a BIG CHANGE. For the first time in our lives, we truly committed to the 'process'. I'm proud of both of us. I'm very proud of how Sunny has been able to pull herself up from the depression and realize that there is much in her life to be joyful and joyous about.. and her work with her children has resulted in wonderful caring beings in her life.

We took that breath, we took a chance on ourselves, and WE HAVE CHANGED~

Note: Image is the chinese character for breathe

A New Attitude...

What an exceptional day! I went to my daughter's school, the one where she will be teaching her special education class in a few weeks. I met her boss then we played some music and got to work designing bulletin boards and thought up some new ideas for 2 additional boards....it was a lot of fun and wonderful spending time together doing something other than cleaning and swimming ;)

While we were there, my son sent me this picture from my yard that I posted here in my blog today. I sent him a text telling him I thought it was so beautiful and he said, "I knew you would like it." I almost cried...it might sound silly, but just knowing that he knew that about me, touched me deeply and brought to mind all the things I've taught my children without even knowing it.

To see the beauty in flowers and butterflies as a sixteen year old boy, is extraordinary....I taught him that, and I feel so good about it. I am seeing all of the work I've done for these 22 yrs. come to fruition, how wonderful is that!...I will never doubt it again.

Depression?....who has time for that when I have so much life and love around me. My kids are my life and I thank God every day that I am working toward being a healthier person for me, but for them as well. Life is exceptional and I am forging ahead with a different attitude, a sound mind and a stronger body.

And guess what?......I am off to do some exercises now. Have a fabulous day!!!

Thank you, Peggy & Don....as you can see, I am doing well :)
(((Hugs you back)))

One Day At a Time, One Foot In Front of The Other...

I am having a great day. I woke up and read the comment from my last blog left by Peggy and realized that I have the power to turn this negative into a positive. I did upper body workouts today, once in the morning and again in the afternoon, nothing strenuous mind you...but it was a good thing just to get moving and feeling like I was doing something to turn this around. Her comment made me realize that keeping myself busy instead of idle is the key to happiness in this case.

Depression can take hold of you and keep you in it's grip for a long time if all you do is dwell on the negative and I didn't do that at all today. I'm also not pushing my feelings of loss down either, which would only prolong the depression in the long run. I'm allowing myself the time to grieve, but I am incorporating exercise into my daily routine and feeling more like myself, happier even :)

One day at a time, I will rise above and do what I have to do in order to succeed and be happy, because after all, that's my goal....success & happiness!

Small Sacrifices or Small Successes?...

Well, here we go with another gym conversation! I was at the gym today and was talking to a friend. He is also doing a 'sort-of' Low-Carb plan. We were talking about each of our journeys and he said "It sucks how much you have to sacrifice... nothing sweet, no bread or pasta... every time I make the choice not to have one of those things, it's so damn hard and such a sacrifice..."

I thought about it for a minute or so, and realized I face the same decisions. I keep telling everyone who I talk to our journey about, that my perspective has changed on food. Here is a good example. The guy I was talking to and I are faced with the same situation, having to make the same choices each time. His perspective, "I'm suffering, I'm making concessions and sacrifices'.. my perspective 'EACH TIME I MAKE A CORRECT CHOICE, IT IS A SUCCESS~'. Big difference in perspective, and it's what keeps me making the right choices.

I'm doing good on plan. It's been a crazy weekend. Our Air Conditioning went out and will probably be out for a while (I can't even get someone out to look at it, probably till the end of next week), SO.. we had to buy a portable unit and just try to keep the living room and bedroom cool. We put up plastic barriers over the other doorways and boy... the kitchen is SO HOT and HUMID.. anyhow, it was trying, but we're handling it. I got to the gym today (Woo Hoo!). I'm getting ready for another long week. Three weeks until vacation! I'll try to blog during the week a few times.

A day at a time...

Hi all. It's been another long 60 hour work week and it's really starting to dig into my energy reserves. I have never been the type of person that was 'all work and no play'... but for the last 3 weeks, with this schedule, I've pretty much been just working and sleeping (and still getting to the gym). This won't go on forever, only through the end of September, and I do have a week of vacation coming up Sept 12th (THANK GOD).

Anyway, I haven't been blogging or coming online as much as I have been, and it's because of my schedule, and not because I've slipped into a ditch, off the road. I'm still doing good on plan. The schedule is actually helping on that front, because I'm really forced to think ahead about what I need to prepare to eat each day. I'm still barreling down the road, in 5th gear and my tires are smoking! I feel good (emotionally and physically).. I'm just a bit over worked.

Ups and Downs

I don't even know where to begin with this blog today, but here goes.

I woke early today to find that my busiest day of the week is a very rainy one...just my luck (another bad hair day). I have a baby shower to go to today and then a birthday party for my adorable nephew tonight. I logged on and took a look at my last two blogs and they look like they were written by two different people and I'm feeling a little bi-polar right about now.

My emotions are up and down a lot lately, which is understandable I suppose, but unsettling. I weigh myself all the time now, which is not good because it's dictating my moods. I just really want to see a loss and it's not happening. I actually gained another pound today and I am begininning to think it might have something to do with menopause. Is that even possible?...I don't know.

I don't get much exercise because my partially torn achilles tendon keeps me from doing so. It's feeling better by the way, but is NOT healed. So maybe that's why I'm not losing anything. But gaining? I can't see why and it's driving me mad. I'm going to stop weighing myself and I am going to read up on the effect that menopause may have on losing weight, if there is any. Or could it be, as was suggested by one of our wonderful friends, that it's simply the stress I've had since losing my dad? Whatever it is, I will find a way out of this. I will lose again and I will be successful.

I've actually even thought about chucking this diet and eating normally for a while and then go back on the diet, but that doesn't make much sense since it will just set me back ten or fifteen pounds and I'd have to begin again, which is something I am not looking forward to. I've simply come too far for that! Instead of chucking the diet, I've chucked that idea!!

So, off to my parties and my busy, rainy day, my frizzy hair, my bi-polar attitude and my menopause (what a mess I am).....wish me luck.

Not So Sunny...

I just haven't been feeling well. I have been staying on plan though and have gained a pound even while sick, which is NOT making sense to me, but such is life on Atkins lately. Not losing this weight at an acceptable rate is really beginning to get to me and I keep hoping against hope that things change soon, but they don't, I've passed up so many amazing foods thinking it will all be worth it in the end, but....Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Not much else to say, this is a hard time for me right now, my dad's birthday was yesterday and I am missing him now more than ever. I guess it has to get harder before it gets easier?...I don't know. I'll be back when I feel better.

The new me...

I find these days that I am more optimistic about almost every aspect of my life. I am so energized by this journey. I'm feeling very encouraged, knowing in my heart that I will reach my goal. It is so wonderful to feel the 'success' of it all. I am having so much positive reenforcement from my peers at work, my friends and family. DAMN.. Life really is GOOD.

I have tried so many times, in the past, to do this. I have always been so successful in all the other areas of my life, but never in this, UNTIL NOW. It's like the final hurtle that I had to learn to vault over. I hit it and fell to the ground so many times that I had given up. Now I realize that I just had to have faith in myself, that I could overcome my desire for food, and just DO IT.

It's wonderful... thank you all for being witness to the success that Sunny and I are enjoying~

Happy Birthday, Gina!!!

Celebrated my daughter, Gina's birthday today and had so much fun doing it...we all went to breakfast this morning and spent the day in the pool, fun fun fun....watching a movie tonight after dinner which is cooking now.

I feel like I am shrinking more every day and it feels so wonderful, marvelous, amazingly sweet!! Flyin' high and lovin' it!!

Have a great week y'all!

The early bird...

.... is sleepy and tired bird!

Hi all, just a quick note before I get ready for work today. I've been doing perfectly on plan, and even getting to the gym. I feel good. I'm excited about going on vacation in early September. I'll be probably around 90 pounds lighter than my vacation in March... what a difference. I'm excited with the the new possibilities this loss will open up when we are in Disney!

Everyone have a great day.

It's a Heat Wave~~~

It promises to be another sweltering day here in NJ, we're in the midst of a heat wave, so I am out to the pool in a bit, but I had to pop in and say that I'm doing ok and staying true to myself and this journey. I've lost another 2 lbs. in the past two weeks, yaaay for me!!...and I'm feeling good, all things considered.

I have a birthday coming up this September and it's the big Five-O, Things could be a lot worse, but they were better at the big Four-O if you catch my drift. Sagging skin?...check! Wrinkles?...check! Having said that, I will now say that I'm not going to be 320 pounds like I was at my 49th birthday, and that my friends is the one thing (these days) that makes me smile.

If you're in the 90's weather wise (like we are) enjoy it, if you're anywhere near water and if you're not, stay inside!

Putting ourselves first...

For many of us, putting ourselves and our needs first is a difficult task. We are taught from childhood how important it is to put the needs of others before ourselves. Don't be selfish...

It's time to break that tradition. The only way that anyone who has to travel this road, is going to get to the end, is to start bringing their needs to the table and giving them top priority. After all, how can we make ANYONE ELSE in our lives happy, give them what they need, if we're not giving ourselves what we need first?

It can be difficult to say, NO, to say.. I'm sorry, I can't, to say.. I have to do what's right for me.. we are so damn programmed against it. BUT...

If you have people in your lives who love you, and who want the best for you, then they will want you to put yourself first, your needs first.

I am lucky to have people in my life that understand what I am trying to do, that realize to do this, at times I have to be selfish and say NO. I am thankful every day for the support of my life partner, the support of my close and extended family, in this journey. My determination has kept me on this road, but their support has made the road a nice level stretch, with no 'hills or valleys' to have to endure.

Today is going to be a busy day getting all the things I have to get done to be back to work tomorrow. Through it all, I WILL get to the gym today. I'm feeling great!

Feeling Great!

Today was weigh-in and I am doing well. Lost 8 pounds since the last weigh-in. I posted a VIDEO BLOG (click on link to see) to show my body progress this time and to chat for a minute.

Everyone have a great weekend!

Young Lady... Please back away from that Ledge....

I can't believe we've been on this journey for 6 months now. We have both come so far. I continue to be enthused, excited and optimistic.

I wanted to post about Sunny's blog yesterday, not in a comment, but in a new blog, because I think it is important for all of our followers to see/read this.

First, I am so proud of Sunny Girl. She has been nothing less than incredible during this stormy period on the road. She has endured and coped with her situations without turning to food for comfort. I talked to her yesterday and although she her spirits were a bit low, she still is maintaining her focus. It's remarkable, and inspiring.

In her blog, she expressed how she was feeling and how she was craving what she could not have. If you read through the blog, you can hear her talk herself right down off the Ledge. That is strength of conviction, strength of purpose and pure dedication to this journey. BRAVO BRAVO BRAVO! Sunny Girl! You are an example to us all.

Staying Strong...

A very good friend's cherished aunt died this week and I will visit her tonight. There has been so much sadness around me this month, it's hard to focus on anything else. I woke up this morning at 3 a.m. and I couldn't for the life of me get rid of the vision of my dad on his death bed, in his last moments. I guess this is normal and hopefully it will pass and I will be able to think of happier times soon. I need to, they just won't come to me right now.

To be honest, all I want to do is make myself some french toast slathered in butter and sweet syrup and enjoy it with a hot cup of coffee, sweetened with sugar and cream. I won't have that of course, just as I won't have the pasta with seafood sauce that I have been dreaming about. I have been feeling very deprived lately and I know it has to do with my need for comfort, I must get through this though, or I will never reach my goals in the right frame of mind. I look in the fridge and nothing that I can have appeals to me, nothing! I honestly thought I was passed this need for solace in food...but I am clearly not and it distresses me.

Just after my father's death, I felt if I could get through that without needing food-comfort, I was free and clear, but it sneaked up on me when I least expected it. I will stand strong though and stay true to myself...nobody ever said this would be easy, and it's definitely not. But I am strong, I've already proved that to myself, now it's time to prove to myself that I can stay that way!

Happy Birthday, Karen!

Inspiration comes from every ... if you only look.

I have been having such a good week. I love my job, even if I am working long hours. I've been able to get to the gym twice (Monday night and tonight), and that excites me!~

Today, I challenged myself to go back into the warehouse area at work. The area is a 'clean room' environment, and in the past, I had problems getting the shoe covers on, I couldn't get a lab coat to fit... (I had to just button the top button in the past, and let it hang open around my belly).. it was just plain embarrassing, so, consequently.. I avoided going back there at all costs. So.. anyway.. I tried the lab coat.. buttoned up with room to spare, I had no problem with the shoe covers, and I didn't sweat my ass of as I walked around back there... I was so happy, that I have changed that much, and that I had the gumption to try~ I get so much inspiration from my friends at work. They really show an interest in my progress and it's wonderful to have all the support.

I was talking to Peggy yesterday, and she reminded me that I thrive on the support.. it's really what is maintaining me on this journey. To know that I'm 'Out' of the diet closet, and responsible outside myself, really helps to keep me on track. She reminded me of a few years ago, when I tried to diet, and I told her, 'I don't like telling people I'm dieting, because they keep asking how it's going, and I just don't like that...'... She said 'BOY WHAT A CHANGE' you've made.. I love her for that~ and many other wonderful traits~

SO... another few days until the weekend.. I can't wait~!

Today

Feeling and doing well, relaxing today with the kids.

Sunshowers on summer days make me yearn for a past long gone.

I'll be back tomorrow.

Hang in there.. Baby

Well. It's another long work week (and I don't want to seem like a baby complaining)... but :) I picture the cat hanging from the branch. Yesterday (Monday) was a good day, long, but good. I was on plan and I went to the gym after work. Day started at 4:00am and got home at 8:30pm (in bed at 9:00pm). Hardly time to pat my husband on the head and kiss the dogs! But I'm empowered with the determination to get to the end of this road!

As with yesterday, my plan is to bring an extra large salad for lunch, then eat half at lunch and half around 5:00pm (I leave work at 6:00pm). That way I don't miss dinner. If I go to the gym, as I did yesterday, there is just no time to eat dinner otherwise.

So, progress report.. DOING GREAT

A Scorcher

95 degrees and only scattered clouds. It was one hot day today, so I suited up and headed to the pool right after my amazing conversation with my friend, Moe ;)...but no exercise whatsoever.

All I wanted to do was close my eyes and feel the warmth wash over me. So that's what I did. I feel wonderful after spending the afternoon doing that, it was just what I needed to re-charge and think about the future and how great it will be now that I am feeling healthier and more at ease in my own skin. I am no longer embarrassed by my size, no longer worried about losing control and needing to eat in order to feel full and tired, the kind of tired that comes from being overstuffed and bored.

I get tired now because I'm living life and enjoying being busy and useful. Enjoying doing the things that I always wished I was well enough to do. I never felt 'good' before this life journey began, I usually always felt tired and aggravated and hungry, and of course eating (all the wrong things) made me more tired and so the cycle continued! Amazing what a little discipline can do.

Tomorrow will be another hot one, so you'll know where to find me :)

Preacher Don...

... Have you ever met that evangelical person, who just had to talk about their passion, and was so enthusiastic that it made you feel uncomfortable? You may have asked a question and expected maybe a half-thought-out, semi-disinterested answer, but instead, got a half hour on the person's perspective? Well...

Today at the gym, a friend of mine came into the sauna and started saying how good I looked, and how he could see how much weight I had lost. There was another guy in there, and he asked, 'How much have you lost?' and of course I said.. "75 pounds since the first of March". He gasped and said, "Well, how the hell did you do that?" He said he needed to loose about the same amount.

I began to tell him about my low-carber lifestyle, and ended up (as we were both sweating our asses off), preaching for about a half hour about choices, commitment, focus and determination... All he asked, was how I did it!!!

Finally, he left, said, 'Good luck' and 'Thanks for the inspiration'. I walked out feeling like the 'Low-Carber Billy Graham'... and a little embarrassed. Yesterday, I blogged about being passionate, but I think I went 'Just a little' overboard. I will try to be a little more subtle in the future.

What did this experience show me? Well, there is no doubt, at all, in my mind, that I am 'In-it-to-win-it'. I've never in my life been so determined or focused on a goal, any goal. I understand, though, that I have to 'pace' the enthusiasm, and not 'burn' myself out... and I surely do not want to be perceived as a fanatic.

Happy Saturday!

It's going to be a pool day! The best friends on God's green earth, their children...sunshine and laughter. This is what makes a life! I feel good today and according to my scale, I am down another pound or so and that makes me happy too.

I am still having a hard time with the realization that I will never hear my father's voice again, but I'm dealing with it and moving in a positive direction, which is all I can hope for.

I have so many positive things in my life right now, not the least of which is living this low carb lifestyle. I am doing well and feeling great physically and mentally. My life is no longer hampered by my inability to breath while walking up a flight of stairs or even walk, period!

Gina (my daughter) and I went to a local diner to eat last week and I didn't ask for a table...we walked to the booths and I fit into it with ease!!! It made me very very happy! The tide is turning and the water isn't so deep anymore. Life is changing for the best, and I feel good!

Enjoy the weekend, friends.

The only life worth living...

.... is one that you are really passionate about!

I heard this today, and really, it sums it all up!

So, are you living a life full of passion? I don't mean the obvious when you may think 'passion'... I mean, the things you can't live without doing, the things that bring you personal joy, the things in your life that you do because you want to, not because you have to.

Have you asked yourself lately, 'What am I passionate about?' When is the last time you pursued something that brought you joy? Life can be so mundane and monotonous, especially if we let it.

I am in such a crazy place right now in my life. I'm working like crazy, I've changed my lifestyle and am loosing the fat that I've carried around for so many years. I am passionate about this journey, about the reality of success in my sights. I'm passionate about my life and my family.

Take time to think about what you are passionate about. If it's been a while since you did anything to promote that passion, think of new ways that you can do so! We all only have one life, we should make it one filled with joy and passion!

Welcome back... Babycakes!

Because I access this blog now mostly from a portal at work, I can't put comments in to existing blogs, so...

Sunny!! It's so good to have you back and blogging. I am so proud of your determination to 'stay-on-track' even through the darkest of times. You handled the entire period with grace and a strength and fortitude that I can only stand back and admire.

I was so glad to get to see you, even though the circumstances were not at all the best. You look 'Fabulous' as I wispered to you when I saw you. You are such an inpiration to myself, and everyone else here who has been concerned about you, who loves you and who wants you to succeed, and be well. So.. WELCOME BACK... You are loved.

I'm doing good on plan. I hate that I haven't had time to go to the gym, but will be there tomorrow (Saturday) without fail. I am going to try next week to go at least 2 times during the week, even though I'm working these long hours.

Each Day is a New Day

Hi All...

Today is a new day.. This is the way I look at each day in front of me on this journey.

It's a new day to be positive. A new day to face new challenges head-on. A new day to be dedicated to my health. A new day to examine within and without. A new day for no compromises. A new day with new opportunities for good choices. A new day to face reality, stare it down and make changes to create a 'new future reality'....

Today is going to be a Great New Day.

Back to The Light

This has been a dark 5 days for me, but I have survived it and come out on the other side, into the light so to speak.....feeling a little like I just had a very bad dream...except it wasn't a dream.

Thanks again for all of your support while I was away, it really did mean the world to me. Don gave me the extra hugs for all of you and made me feel very loved and missed while I was gone, for that I must thank him again.

I have to tell you, I can see now why all of us are struggling with our weight....especially in time of grief, we all know that people send flowers and cards and prepared, 'easy' foods that are all around us most of the time, but even more so when cooking and prepping is impossible, right? Let me tell you, the foods available to me were hoagies/subs, pizza, bagels, donuts, cake, cake and more cake, was I tempted? Yes. And for the first two days, I was running on dunken donuts coffee and slim jims...NOT GOOD. I got smart and started bringing shakes to my mom's house and even made a chicken dinner one night, just so I could be sure we'd eat something nutritious. I wanted to dive into the bag of bagels though, and oh how I wanted that cake (and I'm not even a cake person) and pizza, but I knew if I did it, it would have set me back for days if not weeks and I didn't allow myself to use my dad's death as an excuse to indulge and cover up the sadness with the comfort of food...very hard for me, but I did it and for that I am thankful to myself. I am learning that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. I've found new strengths I never even knew I possessed and it feels good to know I am at a point in my life where I know I can do this, am doing it and don't have to struggle so much doing it. Everyone is tempted now and then, it's how we react to it that ultimately matters. It would have been so easy to dive into that bag of bagels or donuts, YES, JELLY DONUTS ;) easy and comforting.

I did come here to read all of Don's blogs while I was away, I'd log in at night and read in silence....I just couldn't find the words to comment, but the strength is what I did find and it helped pull me through. How great is that! I will never be able to thank him enough for it. And let me tell you, he looks amazing!! At one point, he was walking toward me the other night and I thought to myself, Oh My God! His steps were quick and steady, he wasn't out of breath when he hugged me and we wrapped our arms around each other with ease. I couldn't help but smile and think how lucky I am to be on this journey with him, to be inspired by him, to have his support and find comfort in it. I am blessed.

Appreciating Life.. While there is still a chance to do so....

I saw Sunny Girl last night, got a chance to give her a big hug, both for myself, and for all of you who have so kindly posted words of support and expressed concern for her. She is doing as well as can be expected, but... I had to tell her, in the midst of everything going on.... that she 'Looked Fabulous!'... She sends her love to all.

As I sat at the viewing last night I started thinking about life, in general. We don't really think, day-to-day, about 'appreciating' life... most of the time we just trudge through, doing what it takes, loving where we can, succeeding where we can... and constantly moving forward. This is the 'norm' for most of us, I think.

I realize that we need to take time to get outside that 'box' that life puts us in, look up from the road, take a deep breath, sigh, and realize, hey... I'm alive, I can breathe, I can appreciate the beauty around me, I can hug the ones I love, .... there are so many things to appreciate and be thankful for.

Today, everyone who reads this blog, please take a minute to pull back from the normal day to day routine, look around and appreciate the life that you have... be grateful for every breath you can take... and attack the drudgery of life with a new perspective.

I'm working long, hard hours, but, I have health, I have love, I have life.. and I appreciate all of it!

In the Trenches...

Well, I'm in it now. I'm working the hours, but I am going to make a point to try to blog from my 'google applet' which punches through the corporate firewall, to post text on the blog (no pictures though...sigh...).

Today is good so far. I have been planning so my lunch is my biggest meal. Because I won't get home until around 7:00pm, I don't really want to have a big 'dinner' meal that late. I have been making myself a nice BIG salad with plenty of protein, for lunch each day.

I feel good. I am looking forward to seeing Sunny Girl at the viewing in center city Philadelphia tonight. I will give her a huge hug from all of you who have been inquiring about her.

More tomorrow... :)

Ramping up ...

First, I spoke to Sunny Girl today and she is holding up, and doing what she has to to get through this tough time. I see she put-up a blog, and I applaud her for having the time and the presence of mind to do so... We love you Sunny!

I found out today that as of today I will need to put in 60 hour weeks (5 - 12 hour days) until the end of September. This project I'm involved in is coming down to the wire and the expertise I bring to the table is critical to the success of the project, and my reputation is at stake.

I made the call, I told my management that the extra time was required and I just stepped-up and put it out there. I know that it will impact my ability to exercise, but it WILL NOT affect my success on this journey.

It may impact my ability to blog daily, so please, constant reader.. understand that I will be here, and I still count on your support. Thank you for that!

Giving Thanks

Thank you for understanding that I couldn't be here at this time. It's difficult to focus on anything right now, besides my mother and other family members.

I did want to stop in and say hello though and to let you all know that I am doing ok. Dealing with the grief and yes, staying on the journey.

I am making good choices and staying true to my goal. I've lost 4 pounds as of this morning. Even with all the sadness I feel, my weight loss is still a priority. I'm not looking for solace in food, I know that's not where I will find it anymore, not even at this most devastating time. I've been finding it in the love of my family and my incredible friends at a time when love is all that matters. I am definitely a blessed person to have such amazing people around me.

I still have a few days of preparation and services ahead of me, I will be back to blogging and logging again as soon as I can find the time.

Thank you for all of your well wishes and condolences....it means so much.

Small Detour...

No worries... as for myself, I'm doing good, been on plan, lost 4 pounds this weighing period. I feel good.

My thoughts right now are really with Sunny Girl. I haven't spoken to her since her dad passed, but have text'd her a few times. I don't want to intrude on her and her family at this time. I will probably see her at the viewing on Tuesday evening.

This is the 'thick of it'. She is dealing with a situation which is one of the most stressful you can face. My father passed away 10 years ago at 64 from cancer, and it was one of the most difficult things I experienced.

I really don't care how she does 'on plan'. It's the thing that is the least important at this point. I love her, support her and will help to see her through this where I can. She's been preparing herself for this, but.. when the reality of the situation is 'in-your-face', all the preparation in the world will not make it any easier to handle.

Sunny, I love you, your family loves you, and this community loves and supports you. We will miss you while you are away from us, and anxiously await your return to the village. This is only a side-road, once traveled, it will bring you back to this road that we are on together.

It was commented to me recently that I seem to 'always' have a positive attitude regarding this journey. That I never seem to have a weak moment, a down emotion, etc... which makes it to the blog.

In all honesty, I am not 'always' up. I have moments where I say things like "I wish I could have that ice cream cone', or I say ' Damn.. that bread smells good'.. or... ' I'm so FAT' or...... ' Is this ever going to end????'.....

I think it's normal, no matter how much my lifestyle has changed, my opinions or my attitudes, that I question or doubt. I wouldn't be human otherwise. BUT ... BUT... BUT.... the fact is...

I have changed my life. My perspective overall is focused on loosing the weight, changing my relationship with food, changing my lifestyle in a positive way, making me a priority.

Even though I'm not ALWAYS 100 percent in the new mindset... the 2 percent that isn't, doesn't usually make it here to the blog, because, that's all it is, a miniscule little part of me that 'backslides just for a moment' and in thought only.. the 97 percent keeps me safe and invulnerable to temptation.

This blog is my safe place, my positive place. If the negative ever starts to take-over to the point that it is going to impact my results.. believe me, it will make it into this blog, because I would expect from my supporters, the support to push it back down, and bring it under control~!